|
|
|
 |
|
|---|
 
|
||||||||
|
Hoyer’s Fake Town Hall Over the Phone! To whom it may concern: I understand that you may have received some information recently about a bogus town hall telephone conference that Congressman Hoyer "supposedly participated in". I would like to offer more insight. I received a recorded phone call from Congressman Hoyer on Sunday, 7/11 around 6:30 pm stating that the next day around the same time we would receive a phone call inviting us to join the Congressman in a town hall style phone call in which we could speak with him live and ask him questions. Knowing I had a vet appt at that time I was disappointed b/c I thought I would miss the call. Here’s where it gets interesting. As I went to work that Monday it occurred to me - wait a second how can the Congressman supposedly have this town hall phone call when I KNOW he is scheduled to be at a reception for Governor O’Malley in Wildewood. I’m disgusted by the Congressman’s blatant disregard for honesty and lying to the public. I took it upon myself to email Hoyer’s scheduler and asked her about the conflict in time. Her response is below. and any attempt to explain it away or say that he was in another room near the reception using a conference phone to talk with the public is pure bullshi*. I find it very hard to believe that the Congressman would walk away from an event with the Governor to go sit in a room and answer questions from the public. Furthermore, I know for a fact that reception started at 7pm and Congressman Hoyer was scheduled to introduce the Governor. so it was imperative that he be there. Nevertheless, when I got home from the vet appt about 7:15 my phone rang and wouldn’t you know it was the town hall. For over 45 minutes my neighbors and I huddled around the phone listening to Hoyer rattle on and on in what was clearly a recorded response. A moderator relayed questions from callers and on 1 or 2 occasions a caller was brought on the line to ask their question, and while Hoyer may have answered it the person never got to come back and respond to them. It wasn’t interactive at all, and clearly recorded. At the end, after a long pause he came back on the line in another recording and offered the phone # to his campaign office for anyone who hasn’t had their question answered. My husband & neighbor both called and obviously no one was working in his office, and no one has ever returned their calls. Someone needs to expose this man for who he really is. I understand that you may have already addressed this in an editorial, but I couldn’t find it on your web page. Thank you for your time and for all that you do. Best Regards, C. B. Sent: Monday, July 12, 2010 2:44 PM Subject: RE: schedule Look at you super sleuth. Yes, he is having a town hall. But he’s going to the O’Malley fundraiser after that. I believe the FR runs until about 9pm - I don’t know how it’s structured, though, so it might be there is more than one reception. From: (left blank) Sent: Monday, July 12, 2010 2:44 PM Hey Simone, quick question for you.... I understand Steny is going to be at a reception this evening for Governor O’Malley. However, I received a recorded phone call from Steny yesterday saying that he would be having a town hall style phone conference this evening. And that I could expect to get a phone call at the same time tonight (about 6:30) which would be an opportunity to speak with him and ask questions. Is this accurate? Wasn’t sure how he was going to logistically handle the phone conference at 6:30 when the reception is at 7:00. Thanks! C Wow! Old Steny and his staff sure are crafty to pull this off the way they did, to make folks think they were meeting with him. It’s all smoke and mirrors now! Democrats Gather for Strategy Meeting "Well, this here meeting of the Democratic Party must come to order," said chief honcho Jackie Russell as he passed out parking receipts to all those present. "Don’t forget to tip the valet parking guy." "Jackie, why do we have to pay for parking here at your house, for this meeting?" said Dandy Dan the Treasury Man, who is all about hi-tech. "I am going to bring efficiency and at least three of my relatives to work in the Treasurer’s Office, said Dan. We know how to make that Jewish Piano sing! I can’t wait to get back to Broadway just before the election so we tool around New York City in a big limo." "Now just one minute Dan, you can’t be making references to religions in our meeting of the Democrats, we have two of those minorities here with us and while we don’t have any Jews here, I myself am considering converting, so you are kinda bothering me, I mean I have this Foundation for my boat to save on taxes, I charge them rent, maintenance, salaries for me and my wife, hell I even charge them for the algae blooms which affect how long the paint stays on the boat, it all counts, and I learned some of these tips from this Jewish kid I was roommates with at college. You gotta play all the angles." "I didn’t say that, it must have been my other head, I am very politically correct," said Dan. "Well, one of those minorities can’t win and we are all going to support Todd Morgan and dump her under the bus, just like we pushed Little Lulu Mary Ann Chasen under the bus in 1994 and supported Francie Eagan," said one of Dan’s heads. "First we used Little Lulu to get rid of sleepy John Lancaster and then it was easy to put in Francie. We just can’t have Mary in office, she is just dizzy." "Are talking about me," said Mary Washington. "How dare you talk like that to me you twin-headed yoyo, I ought to come over there and let you touch my arm so I can call cops. It will be assault all over again just like at the Board meeting when I called the cops on Kathy Allen. I love calling 9-1-1, its just sends a chill down my spine, it rings, they pick up the phone, I scream, help me, it’s all like a TV show and pretty soon I got six police cars out in the parking lot, its power moments like that you just can’t buy." "Well, I can see that this political strategy meeting for the Democratic Party sure has its work cut out for it," said John Bohanan. "We have a critical election before us and we need to talk about the issues and stay away from all this fanatical talk." "Oh yeah, is that why one of your special supporters went out and called your opponent a murderer and war-monger, did you disavow his remarks, did you call him a drunken sot and a nut case, nope you just issued a namby-pamby statement to The Rag and called it a day and you are telling us to clean up our act," said Bill Mattingly. "Hey, at least I haven’t pleaded the 5th in a criminal case like you have you ‘garbage gofer’," said Bohanan. "Gentlemen," screeched Elfreda, "Can’t we all be friends, we are all in the same party, we don’t have any more moderates left, no more conservatives, it’s just us liberals and we are fighting like cats and dogs. Just be quiet and every one take a time out." "Hell Bohanan, there ain’t anyone in this room that is going to win this fall, the only Democrat that will be left standing will be Roy Dyson and he ain’t here, he had better sense than to waste his time with this room full of losers," said Mattingly. "Well I guess Jan Norris will get elected after she whips Raley and Joannie Williams and Lois Duke don’t have any opponents." "How come you don’t say anything, Art?" said Elfreda. "I am just sitting here wondering why I didn’t change my registration to Republican as I sure don’t belong in the same room with you whackos," said Art as he got up and left. "Why does Kenny Dement call you Alfredo," said Mary. "He thinks you are on the menu in some Eyetalian restaurant." "Well, old Demented Dement can just make all the cracks at me he wants as if he makes it through the primary, I am going to give him the one-two in the general, I am not the one who has voted to raise taxes, he is, and this has been the one good plan that you pulled off, Dan Raley," said Elfreda. "Dement may have beat me last time, but he raised taxes in 2007, he raised taxes again in 2008, he raised taxes in 2009 and he did it again this year," said Elfreda. "I might be black but I can count good, and to me he’s a four-time loser and I am going to whip his little white butt good this year as no one I know, likes their taxes going up and folks are plenty mad about it. In fact, the only one in this room that has a chance is me because I didn’t raise taxes, Mattingly you want the Astroturf for the school football fields, Art has been part of that endless program of buying more parks and Mary you have been right along with Mattingly in blowing money at the public schools." "Dement thinks he can win," said Mattingly. "he goes around catching hell from people for raising their taxes and he taunts them with "that black woman" and he thinks they are going to cringe and vote for him to keep that "black woman" out. Hell, I think you would be a lot better than that idiot Dement and I know the 7th District is out to get Dement, they are tearing his signs down every night and he is back out there the next day putting them back up. Sooner or later he’ll run out of signs." "When are we going to plan our strategy," said Boh. "Why are you worried about it, you voted for the biggest tax hike in the history of Maryland, your dumbass boss ruined our health care, is going along with all the socialism and carries the water bucket for Nancy Pelosi," said Mattingly. "He is doing everything he can to sink our party and I really regret giving up the school board spot for this crazy group." "But they like us down at the college and I like their cocktail parties, dinners, and Dr. Glaser’s poetry," said Bohanan. "And that’s in my district, but you know, I have always done good things for the military, it’s just murder when I think about losing to Erik Anderson." McKay starts campaign with a fib…. Like what else would anyone expect but for a headline in the Hambone Gazette proclaiming that Tommy McKay was seeking "Reelection as Commissioner President". For those who may have just fallen off of the turnip truck, in the last election McKay had his butt kicked by Sen. Roy Dyson, losing the election by a margin of 2-1. Thus, while McKay is seeking to be elected once again to the post of county commissioner, he has been serving only as the Crown Prince of the McKay family for the past four years and has not held public office. Thus, there is no "Re-election" and of course, McKay will blame this error on Sean Rice who wrote the report in McKay’s snoozepaper. McKay filed on Tuesday night and when he saw a St. Mary’s Today photographer arriving at the election office he took off in his sports car like a bat out of hell. Clearly he didn’t want another photo taken in spite of the fact that this newspaper has the largest world-wide collection of photos of Tommy McKay except for those plastered on his bedroom wall. McKay called Randy Guy on Wednesday morning and apologized for running against him, saying that he was actually running against him but he was running for the seat he once held as he wants it back. Guy told him that he was happy to have the competition but that he wasn’t running for the seat, but simply was in the race to serve the people of St. Mary’s County. Go ahead, someone can explain the difference to Hambone, he might get it. So Chicken Randy Guy is running to boot out that Turkey Russell and now that skunk McKay is in the race too, how can we get so lucky. McKay’s campaign also had another bump in the road last week. McKay’s ticket is lining up for the sneaky back room deals. Watch for McKay to dump Dement under the bus and secretly exchange votes with Elfreda Mathis in order to get black votes for himself. There ain’t too many blacks voting in the Republican primary; all the old time black Republicans have switched or have kicked the bucket. Thus McKay’s deal is for November. The McKay ticket includes that stinky Hayden kid, Dement, for the primary, Democrat Bill Mattingly, to get rid of Jarboe, and of course McKay. In November he will leave Republican Todd Morgan sitting on the curb and go with Mary Washington, trading Gold Cards in his store for support, as he can’t use cases of miniatures anymore, which will be a real shocker to Bobby Gant, otherwise known as ‘Booby-Grease-My-Palm’! McKay wants to be the head cheese, which is okay to run those two words together when describing him and his politics. Go figure Dan Raley. He hasn’t had enough of your tax dollars, now he wants to control the treasury as well. Raley wants to be hooked up to your wallet on an IV. Don’t fall for this fool, and the best word is that women really are ticked off at Raley for attempting to bump Jan Norris. Last Minute Drama Who is lurking around the corners to file at the last minute for this year’s election? Apparently quite a few folks. Mike Hewitt is not one of them. He gave Commissioner Larry Jarboe a $250 contribution and said he decided against a run for commissioner. Tommy "Hambone" McKay is telling folks he is once again invincible and that folks have forgotten all about his lying about his college degree. Perhaps Hambone has become like those Chicago Democrats and the Obama crowd and they actually believe their own bull. Mary Washington has picked up filing papers but you can bet she won’t run. She only likes those uncontested races and its clear that Todd Morgan won’t be a push over for her, should he end up being the only candidate in the GOP race for Lexington Park commissioner. The air is a little thin for both of these candidates, who are, of course, nice people. Just kinda daffy. Elfreda Mathis has picked up her papers and the next chapter of the Dan Raley strategy will unfold. Raley and Mattingly have screwed with Dement’s mind, not that it took much effort, and talked him into voting with them to raise taxes for the last four years and now Dement is on the glide path to total destruction in the Republican Primary. These two cutthroat politicians are actually trying to get votes for Dement in the primary as they want him to be the winner of the GOP nomination and then they will stand back and laugh as ticked off Republicans, independents and Democrats all vote for Elfreda, who claims she won’t raise taxes. But watch out for this lady, she has a real mean streak and wasn’t very popular with her fellow educators. As a commissioner she will make Babs look like Old Mother Hubbard instead of the Wicked Witch of the West. Either way, Dement will be out picking up all his illegal signs paid for by his developer pals and either will be replaced by Rich Johnson as the nominee or by Elfreda in November. Still looking for a divine intervention is Kevin McDevitt. Fritz’s antics in loading Mattingly up with criminal charges after he announced he was running against him, will likely sink him in November unless Republican McDevitt eases him out in the GOP Primary. Most Republicans are shocked to learn of Fritz’s criminal conviction and wonder why he could be States Attorney, but heck, this is Maryland where Parris Glendening won the 1994 Governor’s race over Ellen Sauerbrey by the 7,000 dead voters of Baltimore’s cemeteries. Speaking of cemeteries, the Democrats won’t be able to walk out into the Immaculate Heart of Mary cemetery anymore and bring more voters to the polls as they have moved that polling place. Will there be a black female elected commissioner for the first time? The county has elected a black guy commissioner, a Jew as commissioner, even two dumb Yankees from Connecticut and New Jersey (Joe Anderson and Shelby Guazzo), a black as Sheriff in 1978 and a Jew as States Attorney in 1978. So anything is possible, Kenny Dement was elected twice, the first time to get rid of Commie Joe Anderson, who is now O’Malley’s county campaign chairman. Elfreda and Mary shouldn’t shop for new dresses for their swearing in yet, in spite of their skin color they are both of the big spending liberal persuasion, a race and creed not too daggone popular. Now if they were smart like Charles Lollar they would be shoo-ins. But they are actually just rabid, not reasonable. O’Malley Campaign Says Ehrlich Will Take Maryland Backwards into Big Spending! BALTIMORE — Rick Abbruzzese, Deputy Campaign Manager for the O’Malley-Brown campaign released the following statement on Friday in reference to media reports that Bob Ehrlich will be issuing a "plan" for Maryland that will be similar to the failed fiscal policies and record spending increases he enacted during his four years as governor. "Bob Ehrlich just doesn’t get it. In yet another example of how far backwards Bob Ehrlich wants to take Maryland, he’s pushing the same failed policies that caused Maryland voters to fire him four years ago. Record government spending, higher property taxes, increased fees, and more deficits... that’s the Bob Ehrlich record, and it seems like that will be the Ehrlich campaign platform. It’s time for Bob Ehrlich to let Maryland move forward with fiscal responsibility and not fall back to the same tired policies that left Marylanders with an enormous structural deficit, $3 billion in increased taxes and fees, and one of the biggest spending increases in Maryland history." Governor’s Staff Presides over Press Notices on Death of O’Malley Family Dog ANNAPOLIS, MD (June 3, 2010) – First Lady Katie O’Malley today issued the following statement following the passing of the O’Malley family Golden Retriever, Lady. Lady was 13 years old and she was euthanized on Friday, May 14, 2010. The decision to euthanize Lady was made in consultation with the family veterinarian who had treated Lady for over 3 years. "A few weeks ago, we had to make a very difficult decision, and euthanized our family Golden Retriever, Lady. My children and Lady grew up together – she was a part of our family for over 10 years – and we are very sad to lose her." "When we first got Lady, we adopted her from a woman who had health issues. Her kids were older and she wanted Lady to be around kids that would enjoy playing with her. My kids loved her instantly – she was very gentle with them – they would lay on her and watch TV. They loved her and she loved them." "When she was younger, every Sunday, Lady would run 10 miles with me at Loch Raven. She loved to chase squirrels and jump in the dam." "And as she got older, she got really attached to Martin and would get very sad when he left the house. When he returned, even when her hips got bad, she would go crazy jumping and barking. She liked sleeping at the side of our bed right next to Martin. He used to sing songs to her and she loved it." "Lady O’Malley will be missed dearly." Clearly our readers will all be sorry for the O’Malley family on the loss of their beloved pet, but when we have so many people working for the Executive Branch, which has laid off state employees and furloughed all remaining employees, state offices and employees should not be used for this purpose. What is next, a breathless press release on the Governor’s First Fish dying in an aquarium? This country is at war, our economy is in a deep depression and expenses need to be cut as citizens have no money available for increases taxes, but this is how our Governor is spending your money! Was the Governor simply trying to get the votes of dog lovers? In any event, this is typical of the kind of crap that needs to end. Americans for Limited Government President Bill Wilson on Friday issued the following statement on the newly released unemployment numbers by the Bureau of Labor Statistics: "This Administration’s war on private business is costing millions of Americans the ability to take care of their families by having meaningful jobs. Today’s disastrous unemployment report shows that private sector employment is dead in the water, with temporary U.S. census hiring creating virtually all of the job growth. The Obama, Reid, Pelosi spend, tax and regulate plan for our nation’s economy is an historic failure. Congress needs to return to stop trying to spend us out of what appears to be a coming double dip recession, and face the reality that it is our national debt that is the greatest threat to our nation’s future." That just about says it all. The Democrats have shown that just when we didn’t think it was possible to be more inept than the Republicans were for taking us into Iraq and blowing a trillion bucks and 4,000 lives on the ground in that nation and in Afghanistan, proving that we didn’t learn a thing in Viet Nam, now the Democrats are showing that they are even more hapless. Steny Hoyer used to be a guy of uncommonly good common sense. Martin O’Malley has failed to carry out any type of plan to put commuter trains on the existing CSX track into Southern Maryland and get cars off the road. Now we have a huge oil slick heading on a path which may lead it up in East Coast and into the Chesapeake Bay. If that happens we are cooked. And our leaders have about as much sense as a barnyard full of turkeys who all open their mouths and look up at the heavens when a rainstorm comes and they all drown. Obama is about as dumb as a brick, Hoyer is an awful disappointment to all of us and he would be tossed out on his can in this election if he didn’t have legions of liberal blacks in PG County to vote for him. Black conservatives and white conservatives and moderates will not vote for Steny this year and even though he will likely win, it won’t be by much and he sure won’t be the majority leader any longer. He may be accomplished as a provider for this region but at this point, no one really cares about that anymore. Can Charles Lollar be the Great White Hope? Who would have ever thought that a black politician would show up at a redneck joint like Toots Bar and have endless standing ovations from the predominantly white crowd cheering him on, giving him support and money. Lollar will kick Hoyer’s but after winning the GOP primary. This prediction now in the House of Delegates races in St. Mary’s County: Watch for both Republican canidates, Erik Anderson running against John Bohanan and Matt Morgan running against Johnny Wood to be victorious. Both are sharp and educated and make good candidates. Both face longtime political veterans who know how to tweak all the buttons in an election but folks have had it and are looking for new faces, new accountabililty and new answers. Both Wood and Bohanan are well funded and hopefully they will buy lots of campaign ads as that will help the local economy. But all the Kings horses and all the Kings men are not likely to put the solid Democratic stranglehold on local elections once again. Only Democrat left standing in the legislative races in this district will be Roy Dyson.
"Well, Kenny, glad to see you and Mary found your way here to New York City," said Dandy Dan. "You can help us run up this hotel bill, heck, you all can stay here in our suite, we have lots of room here on the top floor of the New York Hilton, we have plenty of food coming in all the time on those carts, steaks and lobsters and that sparkling French wine, dare we call it Champagne." "Hell yeah, Hambone taught me how to live it up in this town and I am glad you sent that limo for us, we had some nice little private time on the way up, if you know what I mean, wink, wink," said Kenny. "Now, Commissioner Dement, it is not appropriate for you to brag about your love life," said Jack Russell (no terrier). "At my age, I am entitled to either brag or lie, either way, its fun," said Kenny. "But how can I get reelected, people seem really mad over me raising taxes along with you guys, you said folks wouldn’t even notice, but I get my butt skinned every time I go to a dinner or even a funeral. There are people I have known all my life giving me hell for raising taxes. Where are all the people you told me would like what I was doing, it just ain’t working out like you said, Raley." "Sometimes you just can’t hit a home run, Kenny," said Dan. "But I can’t afford to strike out, maybe this year I won’t raise taxes and I’ll vote with Jarboe, will that make my old friends happy," said Kenny. "Its too late for that, you better stick with us and raises taxes again," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "We need more money so we can build that new library and name it after me."
"Anybody know how to get some free movies on this TV?" asked Dandy Dan. "We should have brought up somebody from the IT department to take care of this junk for us," said Jack Russell (no terrier). "We are important and everything should work really swell for us on this important trip. The women folk are all out at their 6th Broadway show, they have the best seats in the house courtesy of that bellhop guy at the concierge desk, whatever the hell that is, but the guy said the tickets would just be added to our room bill and so was his $100 tip, for getting those good seats." "Well, Jackie, looks like you have settled right in to this job as commissioner president, even Hambone never really got the hang of it the way you have," said Taxing Tommy. "I have the knack, it’s just like the way I could romance them crabs into my pots and when those little devils would spill out on my deck I could sing to them and they would all hop right into my basket," said Jackie. "I have a knack for running government, its really easy, just give all the county employees big raises, let them take county vehicles home, let them go on lavish trips to resorts for important conferences and bill everything to the taxpayers, just like we are this trip, and hell, if they ain’t enough money around, we’ll just keep on raising taxes like we have always done." "I am really ready for some more of fish egg stuff, that caviar and some more of that champagne, call room service," said Dandy Dan. "Those women-folk won’t be back until after the late night dinner after the show so we can put on them racy movies." "Lets get Johnny Wood to change the law so we can run again," said Taxing Tommy. "If he can let us stay in for another term, I will promise not to run against him." "He’ll go for that, he might be getting kinda loopy from time to time, but then again, he has always been that way," said Dandy Dan. "I feel like I need you two to run with me on the ticket, so hurry up and get the law changed," said Jackie.
"Holy, moly" said Dandy Dan. "I heard from someone who read in the Rag, not that I would ever read it, that you got a lot of those builders to give you and Hambone lots of money, Tommy. It’s just not right that you didn’t share with me. I thought we were great pals." "I have shared my room service here in New York City with you, Tommy, I got a filet mignon from room service and, heh, heh, I managed to sign it to my room bill, who will ever know?, but I gave one of my steaks to you when I really wanted to eat it myself and wash it down with that Dom whatever champagne. But you get those big bucks from the developers and then you don’t pass out any to your friends. I could have used some more money to get some special wheels for my truck or a new shotgun. It ain’t right for you not to share." "I thought you didn’t take bribes…er walk around money, not that I would consider such big bundles of unmarked bills to be a bribe. I have sat here for 12 years and presided over so much boring stuff that makes money for the boys that I just think its fair for us to bill the taxpayers for our trips to New York and Ocean City," said Taxing Tommy. "It will really be a shame to let Hambone get back in office, he’ll get all the cash again and he never does share." "You’re right about that, Hambone not only rips off his own family, cheats on his woman and lies about his college degree but there is no honor among thieves, he just cares about his own campaign money," said Dandy Dan. "But he is my pal cause I ain’t crazy," said Kenny. "Do you have Hambone’s number?"
"Okay, I just read The Rag and found out how much you guys get from the developers," said Krazy Kenny. "I didn’t get squat compared to you, Tommy, and who knows what the rest of you got, I want my fair share." "But you got that son of yours a job" said Taxing Tommy. "So what, your son is a county hotshot making big bucks and driving a fancy truck with lights and four wheel drive and you won’t even let my kid have some cushy job at public works, I am tired of getting the short end of the stick," said Krazy Kenny. "We offered to take you with us to New York and you could have brought your girlfriend too," said Dandy Dan. "We had a nice time and the women folk went shopping while us guys hit the neat bars and got to see some of the pole dancers. You would have loved it. Hell we even had Savich go with the women to carry their packages and we were able to really have some great lap dances in the strip clubs….Yee Haa..we even ran into Bill Clinton and he bought us a round of drinks." "Well if you don’t get me some of that big money like all are getting and get my son a job like you got for your sons then I am gonna talk," said Krazy Kenny. "It’s about time I got my fair share." "How about if I take you out fishing," asked Jackie. "I don’t like boats," said Krazy Kenny. Big Apple Secrets Part II "Okay, how come Dement was smart enough to stay home and not go with us here to New York," said Russell. "I hear that The Rag is asking already about our trip and how much it costs, what are we going to admit to?" "Hell, we can cover it all up, we just have to mix in our dining out, our bar bills and the shopping spree for our wives with the capital budget, bury the limo bills in with the new county archives and put in the floozy time for Savich into the cost of the new depot for the Hazmat vehicles," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "Its all good," said one of Dandy Dan Raley’s heads. "We need Hambone back on the Board, he drew enough fire from us so we could get out there and make some real money doing deals for the developers," said Russell. "But I don’t want him to have my job, as after all, I am the President and I like being a big cheese." "There is no one cheesier than you, Jackie," said Raley. "You are our leader, the head cheese." "Well, I just got off the phone with Hambone, he wants in on our deals if we expect him to take the side of the developers and cover for us in his Hambone Gazette," said Russell. "What did you tell him?" said Taxing Tommy. "I told him to go suck an egg, that we are Democrats, that we are in touch with Obama all the time, I expect that I will be going to the White House for a shindig soon, I am going to put my skipjack on a tractor trailer and take it right up on the South Lawn for a display, I know I will get a whole new bunch of lobbyists to donate to my campaign when I do that." "But what did you tell Hambone?" asked Taxing Tommy. "I told him to go to hell, to take that 20-dollar kid of his and go stock shelves," said Russell. "We have all the developers on our side now, we control them, we can get all the money we need for campaign cash, to get the minority votes we need by passing out the developer money for miniatures and walk around money, for grants to keep the tree-huggers happy, a little money spread around them really goes a long way, they are so stupid. Obama was right, spread the wealth around." "Well, call room service and get some more of that champagne and fish egg stuff, I love to slather it on my toast," said Dandy Dan. "Hell I am really gonna miss being a commissioner, I might run for treasurer, just to keep my hand in the till," said Dan. "Not me, I am running for delegate, I would make a good senator too," said Mattingly. "I have that going to Annapolis thing down pat." "Well if I lose this race, do you think that Obama would appoint me Ambassador to the United Nations," said Russell. "We Democrats have been very supportive of Barack and he owes us big time. I wanna stay here in New York, it’s my kind of town. I can make it here, I can make it anywhere, New York, New York….its part of me already, I can sail my skipjack up here and park it in the Hudson next to the Queen Mary 2. I could charge them Japanese tourists big money for a two hour cruise, but do they have U. S. dollars, I wouldn’t know what to do with a yen?" "Where is room service," I haven’t had a thing since
lunch and its daggone near 4 pm," said Raley. "Any news on if we can go
to Hawaii next? Where the hell is Savich, I hope he is carrying the
packages for the women-folk." "Wow, the train ride up to this Manhattan place sure was nice," said Jack Russell (no Terrier). "By crackie, my wife let me just look out the window the whole way while she used her Blueberry or whatever it was to send recipes to her friends, as long as she let me lookie out the window at all the neat stuff, I was happy," said Dandy Dan. "We can only have one more of these trips and I want to find out if they can hold this here bond presentation in Hawaii, I never been there before, and as long as we are gonna soak the taxpayers for all this neat stuff, that’s where I wanna be!" "We might as well find a way to get a trip to Hawaah, Dan, I agree with ye," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "We might have to take a lot of grief off The Rag for this, you know the Hambone Gazette won’t beat up on us as Hambone wants to take trips like this himself when he gets back in office." "Yeah, he figures he got himself a candidate to run against Dyson, and don’t think I won’t send that guy a donation after Dyson sunk our Library Palace, I was gonna name it after us, the Mattingly-Raley Library," said Taxing Tommy. "What are you saying, it would be the Raley-Mattingly Library," said Dandy Dan. "I have been the point man on this Board to raise taxes, it’s harder for me and besides, with my two heads, I should get top billing." "Whatever. We need to make sure that Hambone’s Republican beats Dyson," said Taxing Tommy. "That’s gonna be hard to do unless the guy runs as a liberal," said Dandy Dan. "Why would he want to run as a liberal," said Russell as he opened the door to the suite at the New York Grand Hyatt so room service could wheel in several carts of filet migons and champagne in buckets. "Hell, nobody could be more conservative than Dyson," said Dan. "He opposes all tax hikes, he kills bond bills like they’re poison ivy, he votes against gun control bills and is pro life, it doesn’t leave much for someone to get on the right of him, and anyone running against him will have to be the liberal." "How does Hambone manage to get these guys to run against Dyson and Bohanan," said Taxing Tommy. "Don’t they know that Hambone is a serial philanderer and has busted up two marriages, faked his college degree and blew more money than us on the trips he took to this here New York City? Hell he even cheated on the woman he cheated with." "I’m just jealous," moaned Jackie as he ate his second steak and washed it down with a bottle of $500 champagne." "Where are our women folk?" asked Raley.
"Who dat say who dat when I say who dat?" said Mary. "What are you talking about girl," said Elfreda. "I am practicing my Negro dialect," said Mary. "I have decided to join the Democrat slate to raise taxes so we can continue to spend money the way we are used to spending it, for our friends, all of our favorite clubs, activities, causes and sometimes just cause we like to." "Well you have a point, there, I know those Town Hall candidates won’t raise taxes and they’ll cut off all the money to our favorite things," said Elfreda. "But do you have to talk like a Negro, I mean you have good diction, you are educated, you get along with white people so well, and you are light skinned like Obama, so can’t you just keep on being you?" "No, Elfreda, I have to appear militant so I can get noticed in the Washington Post and the Enterprise, then they will give me a bunch of good stories which will sweep me to victory," said Mary. "Well, I have a different problem," said Elfreda, "I have to appear like I’m not black, I have to talk white and say I won’t raise taxes." "How you gonna do that girl?" said Mary. "Well I’m gonna do like those Good Old Boys have always done, I am going to lie a lot," said Elfreda. "I mean, how twisted can anyone be more than Dan Raley, he lies when he smiles, he does a double-back flip with his tongue on every other syllable and when he winks, he blinks, nods and does a double dip with each head. That Kenny Dement is so dumb that he doesn’t even get any money from the developers when he votes for their crooked deals and Tommy Mattingly just smells like dead fish, have you ever gotten close to him, he uses Irish Spring soap to hold down the stench, I’m telling you we blacks can’t never be as crooked, self-dealing and thieving as the Good Old Boys." "But they say I’m not very smart," said Mary. "Do you think I’m smart?" "Mary, you are a black woman who has won three or four times for school board, of course you are smart, you have been responsible for educating thousands of children, how could a dumb person have done all that good?" "Well, it is reassuring to hear you say that," I am going to go down to that Martin Luther King Breakfast and hold my head high, but if I don’t win that award that Hoyer is passing out, I am going to be ticked off enough to get up and walk out," said Mary. "Besides, there are no votes for me there, there are nothing but a bunch of phony whites and other blacks who are jealous of me. We both know how blacks can be, they are just like a bunch of crabs, when one is reaching up and trying to get out of the basket, the rest of them grab onto to him and pull him back in. I am getting out of my basket and I am going to be the first black female county commissioner in the history of St. Mary’s County." "What about me?" asked Elfreda. "It’s every crab for herself," said Mary.
We don’t have to say much about that idiot Al Gore, who, despite not having a background as a scientist, but just as a politician, bloviates about Global Warming. He actually has a genuine experience in hot air, that coming out of his windbag self. That’s how we make a connection to Taxing Tommy Mattingly. Now some of you still don’t have computers, which is a real shame. For you old farts who resist, you are missing the boat. If you can drive a car, you can drive a computer. So, lets imagine you have a computer and you go to the St. Mary’s County website and you pull up the Board of Commissioners Live Broadcast and select the video of the Dec. 22 meeting and the meeting held on Jan. 5th and view both videos. Get someone young in your family to tinker with the computer and help you watch the meetings. It will take a couple of hours so you can do your knitting or work on your taxes while the damn thing plays. But listen to the arrogance displayed by Tommy Mattingly. He is liberal, in fact, he is far left although he appears as if he was a country gentlemen. But don’t judge this book by the cover, judge him by his words. He rails on and on about the library in Leonardtown. At one point he and Dan Raley practice the left-wing double talk where they call the Leonardtown Library the "Central County Library". The trouble with a couple of cunning liars like these two chaps is they really believe their own baloney, think you believe it and if they repeat their lies often enough, some others will believe it too. The sign in front of the building says "Leonardtown Library". But Mattingly kept on and on about keeping the design funds from the State and spending it on designing a library that cannot and will not be built for perhaps another five years, if ever. At least Dan Raley, with a wormy look on his face, acknowledged that the constitutional process of local government calls for authority of the commissioners to borrow money to be approved by the General Assembly. If the delegation to the assembly says no, the answer is no. Since the county is already over $108 million in debt in bonds for various projects, Sen. Dyson said he will not approve more debt, asking who is going to pay it and stating that he will not approve a tax increase and questioned the wisdom of building a new library which was planned five years ago and doesn’t fit either the budget and ability of the public to pay for it or the changing technology and how folks get their information. So Dan Raley said he would not support spending the design money when there was no assurance that the building could be built. Jarboe has already opposed the new structure and Jackie Russell oddly abandoned Mattingly and sided with Raley. That left, Dumb-As-A-Brick Krazy Kenny to side with Mattingly, which he did. Mattingly said that there was no cause for anyone to consider this to be the Leonardtown Library or to oppose moving it to that stinky Hayden Farm, the stinky deal to buy land at twice its value. The stinky Hayden Farm deal approved at a public hearing held on Christmas Eve. The Board wanted to justify their crooked and stinky deal by saying it was going to be for a school but the state wouldn’t approve a school, so they slinked around and came up with the library. Leonardtown doesn’t want their library moved out of town and wants to keep it in the town so now the Library Liberals and Mattingly’s leftwing pals are now saying it really serves folks who don’t live in the area. Yeah. Mattingly says that two-thirds of the customers of the library live out of the 20650 zip code. So why not go down to the Wildewood Center, or call Phil Dorsey, he has a building on Rt. 235 in Hollywood advertised for lease, or to the empty Beck building in California, and get a cheap long-term lease. The payback on the library is going to be $2 million a year, certainly the county could lease a nice space for about the same as they pay in rent for Jazzercise classes. The county could have gotten a favorable lease on the old K-Mart building in Millison Plaza, close to shopping, movies and to neighborhoods but they instead built Lexington Park Library across from a crack market and at a cost of millions of dollars. But this is about building a grand public building so Mattingly and Raley can put their names on it while the next board of commissioners figures out how to pay for it…and…of course…you get stuck with the bill. Go watch Tommy Mattingly drone on and on about why you should pay for the "Central County Library", which would be built on his stinky Hayden Farm. It’s a stitch!
"Why can’t we build the library, right where we want to, on top of those old boneyards, hell, why should we care where they buried slaves, those days are all behind us and none of them are my relatives," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "Now, Tommy you have to be more sensitive to the relations and roots of our African-American citizens," said Dandy Dan. "We have, all of us, our ancestors to thank for being here." "Well, dammit, I have worked in the back room with the Hayden’s to get this deal on the farm, to build the library and a new jail, a county commissioner’s residence hall and an new ballroom for dances and parties that the county commissioners can host,’ said Mattingly. "A ballroom sounds great, but does that mean we won’t be able to have ball outside," asked Dement. "Krazy Kenny, we must have order in our meetings," said Jack Russell (no terrier). "We have every right to run up the debt for the county if we want to do so, we only have about $100 million debt for the county and that ain’t nothin’ compared to the National Gov’t." "But Larry Jarboe says that $100 million debt for this county is too much," said Krazy Kenny. "To hell with Jarboe," said Russell. "We can build this library as tall and as high and as expensive as we want," said Russell. "I am glad that damn Jarboe went on vacation so we can use the time to figure out how to build it without being able to borrow more money." "Yeah, exactly who does that Roy Dyson think he is, blocking us from borrowing more money, we are the commissioners, we need to get rid of this stupid system of having delegates and senators interfering with us, we can make this county really hum," said Taxing Tommy. "I thought you wanted to be a delegate and were going after Johnny Wood’s job," said Raley. "I would make a better delegate than Bohanan and now that Bohanan is against the library, I can tell you I don’t appreciate his second guessing us. He’s just going along with his brother-in-law." The secretary to the commissioners knocked on the door. "Pardon me, Commissioners, but we have an urgent telegram from Commissioner Jarboe from his vacation," said Miss Teacup. "Well what does it say," asked Russell. "It says to adjourn without raising taxes, to adjourn without borrowing more money, to adjourn now without buying any more land in secret deals with our pals," said Miss Teacup. "Well, what should we do," asked Krazy Kenny. "We are going to do as we damn please, to hell with Jarboe and to hell with the public, the public be damned, we know what is best for the public," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly.
"Kenny, get the shovels, the backhoe and the lowboy, we gotta get those pesky slave graves out of the Hayden Farm before people find out," said Jack Russell (No Terrier). "What, I don’t do no digging, I am a commissioner, an executive, my days of digging up bodies are over," said Krazy Kenny. "If you truly want to profit in this Hayden Farm deal, then you will do your share of the work, said Taxing Tommy. "We all have a role to play in this and if the damn Rag finds out about there being slave graves here, then they will print the news and since all the Blacks read that damn Rag, they will all get hopping mad about us digging up these unmarked graves. " "Hey, these people are all dead from a long time ago and going through this mess of old bones will just be a distraction from the good things we are doing," said Dandy Dan, although one of his two heads didn’t agree. "How come Jarboe doesn’t have to help," said Krazy Kenny. "Shhh…don’t let him know, he will blab it everywhere, he didn’t partake in this, its our deal," said Jack Russell (no terrier). "I think we might be digging a hole for ourselves," said Krazy Kenny.
UnAmerican to Beef and Complain! The Democrats can be pretty testy when challenged on the things that they know all about. Don’t ask them about health care or you are branded ‘unAmerican’, like Steny and Nancy said last summer. Don’t boo them when they rob the public of the first hour of a public hearing on health care like Steny did last summer. Don’t dare to show up at a public hearing like Jarboe’s slate did last week and dared to oppose the High Commissioner and Chief Sleazeball Highness Taxing Tommy Mattingly on any issue. At least you can give credit to Jackie Russell. He didn’t have too much to say and it could be that he just didn’t understand what was being said. Dandy Dan Raley always understands but when he saw Tony O’Dinner blasting the county for wanting to put the people into debt further and Bohanan fighting with Wood and O’Donnell on how much the state is actually into debt, Raley didn’t say a word. Not from either of his two heads with their double tongues. John Bohanan is about as smart and bright as they come but for him to join Mattingly in tackling Rich Johnson shows that the Democrats are really worried that Johnson will beat Dement. It appears that the Democrats know that the voters are fed up with Dement and they want to take that commissioner seat themselves, thus, why else would they try to trip up Johnson over whether he would support some but not oppose all of the requested bond authority put forward by the county. Johnson later clarified his stand, he is opposed to any more borrowing ability of the county and that is the right decision. But its nice to know that the Democrats are on the side of Dement for now, until they put up Alfredo Mathis to run. Kenny has had a tough time of it, to be sure and everyone has a lot of sympathy for his losses, as all families experience sooner or later. But that sympathy doesn’t extend to giving him a free pass on raising taxes. For that, there will be accountability and not just for him. All of the Board, except Jarboe, will be feeling the sting of the vicious attack that they have made on the taxpayers with their Hayden Farm shenanigans, their tax hikes, the deal on the Beavan Tract, St. George’s Peninsula and more. The Democrats just saw the tip of the iceberg this past week. Much more anger over the left-wing extreme and Marxist antics of the White House crowd and the hoodlums on the Hill will be spent, moving out the Dems from Congress in a big way next year. If Steny Hoyer thinks he will carry the same vote as always, he ought to start buying boxes of Lucky Charms, he will need them. He has PG County in his pocket and he damn well will need them. John Bohanan could be really vulnerable and Johnny Wood, who is really getting kinda loopy, could be finally out the door. Its gonna be a big brew. Stay tuned and remember, only The Shadow knows for sure!
Steny’s Dumb Answer This past week we saw rioting leftists in the streets of Pittsburg for the G-20 summit, with stores damaged, more than 60 arrests, police attacked and all manner of mayhem committed by Marxist demonstrators. What we did not see or hear or read, was a condemnation from Steny Hoyer or Nancy Pelosi. The pair have sobbed, moaned and cried for the last two months when angry but orderly elderly have shown up with printed tee shirts and signs, but for really bad behavior, the Democrats were silent. Maybe they were just busy reading the health care bill and didn’t watch any TV coverage of the G-20. In any event, citizens should be able to loudly voice their views on matters before Congress without the pinheaded pair of poutsters crying foul and calling them ‘Un-American’. A couple of weeks ago, John Bohanan left a message about an article which was posted online in which readers were encouraged to catch up with Steny Hoyer at a Lexington Park ribbon cutting for the brick median strip ($4.6 million worth) and ask him questions about health care reform. Bohanan’s message was less than artful and pointedly declared that Hoyer would be ticked at this newspaper for daring to suggest that folks should bring up subjects other than those Hoyer wanted to talk about at the ribbon cutting, that that wasn’t the place and that a town hall meeting was being held to take care of those kind of questions. In any event, Hoyer’s plans for his town hall meeting didn’t include much of a desire to listen to the unwashed masses, as he bloviated for a half hour and then put on a panel of his pals to use up another half hour teaching the uneducated more about health care before they popped off to the Majority Leader and told him things he didn’t want to hear. Pretty crafty, Steny. Well, Bohanan was given the opportunity to put in writing his own statement, but he declined, saying he didn’t’ trust what might happen to that statement and consented to this writer summarizing his verbal explanation for his intemperate remarks. John Bohanan is well known to many of us and he is a bright and honest guy. He, like many of us, sometimes relies upon a wrong report to make a judgment. In his case, he was told our article encouraged folks to disrupt Hoyer’s ribbon cutting. Anyone can see that it did not and Bohanan didn’t bother to read it before leaving his threatening message. John knows that this rabble rouser is fully capable of sending in Mongolian hordes to carry away his boss and lock him in a dark dungeon somewhere near his bridge to nowhere at St. Mary’s City. Naturally, after John finally did read the article for himself, he realized that what he was told was in the article was not. Therefore, he is sorry for popping off. As he is a fine guy, though sometimes votes for tax hikes in Annapolis when we aren’t looking, his apology is accepted. Any reader who had a dim view of the fiery language in John’s recorded message likely had a good laugh and John might be told by his priest to knock out a few Hail Marys next week. As for Hoyer, folks should ask him any damn thing they want whenever they want and if he can’t take the heat, he should get out of the kitchen.
Astroturf Hair and Taxocrats Prepare for 'Mob'; The Return of Hambone "What about me, I am a Republican," said Krazy Kenny. "Can’t I come to the meetings, but I promise not to object to raising taxes, Jackie, in fact, I’ll help." "Sure Kenny, you have been a lot of help already, we raised them again this year and I am not going to put up with any mobs of folks coming in here to disrupt our meeting and ask us such things like, have we lost our minds and what the hell are we raising taxes for and blowing tax money on buying the Hayden Farm or a gas station on Great Mills Road or other such important government actions. We are smarter, we are in power, we won the last election and we are going to be Tax and Spend Democrats till the day we leave office." "Will someone please ask Commissioner Jarboe what he is wearing on his head," said Commissioner Dandy Dan Raley (head # 1). "Its Astroturf hair," said Commissioner Moonbeam. "I used to have a rug and it wasn’t easy to clean, my wife left it off at the Chinese laundry in Waldorf and it shrunk and heck, when it came back it was only suitable for a Mexican Chihuahua. So I donated it to the animal shelter and since then I have been bald." "Frankly, I don’t know why we have put up with all that crap from the Rag for all these years, Fritz and Voorhaar had the right idea to just clean out the newsstands, we ought to do it every week," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "I am sick and tired of all the old cartoons, the jokes, the lies and and all the allegations of corruption over the Hayden Farm deal. We need to shut down the Rag and run all the Republicans out of town." "Mr. Russell," said Lally Lillypad, the commissioner’s secretary, "Former Commissioner McKay sent in a suggestion, noting that he really is a Democrat after all, wouldn’t he be able to still attend public meetings as he is interested in running for office again and thought he might come over here and take some notes on his etch-a-sketch pad. He has a note here on his pad he left, I can read it to you if you wish." "By all means, Lally, read Hambone’s note," said Raley (head #2). "Dear Commissioners, I miss you all very much and I decided to return as a Democrat and run for my old job. I have been taking correspondent courses for a college degree on the internet and now have been awarded a degree in animal husbandry (please don’t tell my wife)." "Does it really say all that," demanded Russell. "Yes sir, he signs off saying that he is just going to offer Russell a job in his store as the company captain in charge of seafood departments, that he can bring his Dee of St. Mary’s skipjack on a truck and visit all the stores and let him be Commissioner President," said Lally. "Did he mention a salary," said Russell. "Yes, he says since Russell is going to lose the next election anyway, he will give him the same salary as a bagger," said Lally. "I’ll take it!" said Russell, "did he say when I can start?" "Do you need a first mate," asked Krazy Kenny. "Mary and I will work together and then we’ll dance the tango on the sidewalk, folks will love it and flock to the stores to buy hambones."
The latest word on the grapevine is that old Johnny Wood, who last week starred on the front page of the Hambone Gazette, the official mouth organ of the Good Old Boys since the old Countian folded in 1992, will suddenly withdraw from the race for reelection next spring and at the last minute will quit running. IN his place, he will endorse Hambone McKay who will file as a Republican. With Wood out stumping for him, McKay will be able to garner the support of the new people who are Republicans and don’t know what a skunk he is, and the Democrats who love Wood will all join together to send the worst delegate to Annapolis since John William Quade. Quade’s single distinction in his term was to remove the limit on interest rates which then existed and since then Marylanders have been paying hundreds of millions of dollars in higher interest on consumer loans. But the Good Old Boys have been serving themselves well for decades in this land of the flask, the fiddle and the dark roasted possum. It won’t be long before they will be able to consolidate their political power and have it all. Of course, voters could become more strong willed, especially since the recent tax hikes and fishy deal on the Hayden Farm, and find new folks to vote for. Why in the world would the best interests of the taxpayers of St. Mary’s County be served by Metcom taking over the antique sewer and water lines of the Patuxent River Naval Air Station? The silly deal concocted by the Metcom staff and the Good Old Boys has a secret and dirty air to it all. First the stinky deal where Metcom hired the Metcom lawyer to be the director of the agency while at the same time she got to keep her staff counsel job and can still take outside private law business, violates just about every principal of good government, ethics and common sense, which makes it all fine, as this is St. Mary’s County where the politics stinks very early in the morning and public hearings are held on Christmas Eve. Just imagine those old sewer lines that the Navy would love for some dumb asses like the citizens of St. Mary’s County to take financial responsibility for maintenance and replacement. Most of that old stuff was built before the end of WWII. Only the weak-minded bozos of the ruling elite in this backward swamp of inbred hacks would love this deal. Tammany Hall could have taken lessons from the bumpkins of St. Mary’s County, but gee, its all good because its always been this way and we like it! The God-fearing folks who pay the taxes and get ripped off by all the nonsense never get the truth of the matter from their officials, many of whom are in full cahoots with the corruption of the Good Old Boys network. As for Delegate Hambone, he will be following his daddy in his footsteps as the late Manning served a term in the House from 1970 to 1974. It’s a perfect plan and it will succeed, unless the voters wise up to the slime plan and nix it.
The following is a secretly recorded meeting of the Board of Commissioners made in direct violation of the Maryland Wire Tap Law. It is illegal to read or further talk about this material. You have been warned! "Well, we have expanded the development district by adding in the land along St. Andrews Church Road," said Jack Russell (no terrier). "Now the State planning office has put us in a trick bag and are telling us to make the Lexington Park Development District smaller, we just got through making it bigger and Jarboe wants us to lop out Myrtle Point Park from the district, and heck, you know that is going to be our October Surprise when just before we leave office, we are going to rezone it for Walt Disney to come in and build a theme park, it will be better than Kings Dominion, it will give us new jobs, and our friends all have their sewer lines and then we’ll make some real money." "Yeah, we don’t stand a chance of getting reelected, Jackie," said Krazy Kenny Dement. "We can now take all the favors we want to from our friends and give them all the good decisions that money can buy, I have an extra mouth to feed now, and I want me and my lady friend to live the good life. We are going to Acapulco and to Reno and off to Atlantic City, I got my gold chain now to make me look like a Jewish dentist and we are going to live it up." "Not so fast," said Dandy Dan Raley. "We have a responsibility to our county to do a good job and to take measured steps to properly plan for the future." "Don’t give me your sanctimonious crap, Raley," said Krazy Kenny. "I got in all this trouble by voting with you to raise taxes and now that the voters aren’t going to give me another term, I am going to make money the easy way, but voting for the right projects and greasing the skids of county government. Jackie and I are going to do the same thing you and Tommy have been doing and we are tired of being poor and letting you guys live it up." "With all of us voting to give away the store, the Republicans are going to line up in a row and knock any Democrats all off," said Mattingly. "I hope you all realize we will be the last Democrats elected in this county for a long time, unless Hambone gets in there and pulls his creepy stuff." "That’s not my worry," said Krazy Kenny. "All I care about is the Virginia Reel, the Tango and the Two Step, I am back to dancing and having a good time, this is what Shirley would have wanted me to do and I am doing it." "It’s the right thing to do, there is not a doubt, don’t pay any attention to the old biddies sitting around and gossiping about the rather short time between the old and the new, at least you weren’t stepping out like all those other Republicans, like Sanford and Ensign, and Hambone," said Russell. "That Hambone thinks he can run me out of my job, well I ain’t going to be run out of office easy, I am going to put up a fight, old Hambone McKay will know he has been in a fight when I get through bringing up all his baggage. That time him and his girlfriend were caught neked as jaybirds down behind the State House by the guard when they were skinny dipping at Church Point, what was that all about, I understand the guard took pictures. I don’t think they thought anyone was around. And Hambone’s deals on the Hackerman land, all of that is going to come up again, and there is plenty more, you can bet, as when he dumped his old girlfriend, she has been over for dinner with me and Vicki and we have had plenty to talk about. I am going to ask Hambone about his list of favors he had to perform for his contributors, guess who has a copy of that list….oh I can tell you I am not going out without a fight." "Gee, boys, this is enough to make me wish I could still hang in there with this politics stuff," said Raley. "I am going to run against Johnny Wood and go to Annapolis where I can raise even more taxes and go to the strip joint every day," said Taxing Tommy. "The House of Delegates has real power, not like this hick town of Leonardtown." "Well, I am sick and tired of hearing from the public about how much they like Larry Jarboe," said Raley. "All Larry has done has been to vote against raising taxes and slowing down the size of government. Don’t people realize that the current fashion is more debt, more taxes and more government? Larry needs to get with the program, this is all about moving forward. Government better knows how to spend your money than the people do, that is a proven fact and our Leader Obama is showing us the way."
Double Dealing on Taxpayers by Dumb and Dangerous Dave How about that State Highway Administration? Can it be true that the SHA garage manager in Loveville has asked Dumb and Dangerous Dave Zylak to not dispatch any calls to local fire departments for trees knocked down during storms so that the SHA crews can instead be sent out and collect overtime? If the State of Maryland is hurting so badly, why would one office of one of the largest state agencies take it upon themselves to attempt to tell volunteers to stay home in the middle of the night so the boys on the crew can reap more pay? Its sure a hardship for volunteers to respond to such calls, but they do it willingly, they are on scene and able to quickly respond to calls for emergencies and in many cases, keeping the power on so that old folks have lights and power for home medical equipment can be an emergency. But Dumb and Dangerous Dave is the worst kind of public official, one without any common sense. That is another reason he needs to be given his walking papers by the next Board of Commissioners and move the Emergency Operations Center under the direction of the Sheriff and save lots of money on a salary for the post held by Dave and have better decisions made. Why should a favored few of state employees be collecting overtime when other state employees are being laid off? Greed is not restricted to Wall Street or the halls of Congress. Wasteful spending includes the $392,000 obtained by Congressman Steny Hoyer for rebuilding a historic Catholic Church which was discovered on property bought by the State of Maryland at St. Mary’s City. Hoyer also nailed $490,000 of tax money for a bridge over Rt. 5 at St. Mary’s City. Private groups can fund the church and a bridge to nowhere is not needed. Hoyer got $752,000 for Calvert Sheriff Mike Evans, a Republican, to buy a Command Vehicle. Evans was asked this week if he knew what kind of a Command Vehicle that Gen. George Patton drove as he blasted German tanks to hell and back across Europe in WWII. Evans correctly answered that Patton drove a Jeep. The government is now part owner of Chrysler and should be able to get some good deals on Jeeps and get these fat cops someplace a little less comfortable to eat pizza and take naps while drunken idiots conduct standoffs with cops. The cops should simply toss in stink bombs followed up by a blast of limburger cheese and these idiots would come running out of the house. Evans said that he was only getting grant money that if Calvert didn’t get it, it would go to some other county. That philosophy is what is ruining America and Evans now sounds like a Democrat, which is why Democrats concede that they can’t beat him. Evans is doing a good job and when the Sheriff’s Mobile Command Unit rolls down a street, all should take note and see if the Sheriff keeps it in good condition so when its trade in time to get a Jeep, it will retain its value. Speaking of Dumb and Dangerous Dave Zylak, he bought a mobile command unit when he was Sheriff and it didn’t even have an engine or front wheels as it was a Fifth Wheel camper type Command Vehicle. To make matters worse, Dumb Dave didn’t even have anything to pull it with. Maybe the Sheriff can get a special contract with Pepsi Cola to send over one of their tractors to pull the cops around so they can have air conditioning and a oven for their pizza when they have a barricade. Zylak is one of the top ten of dumb public officials of St. Mary’s County and he has some serious competition. Kenny Dement could be the dumbest while Tommy Mattingly ain’t dumb, he is just treacherous. Why don’t the cops just get the bad guys to prearrange their little temper tantrums at a special Hell Raising Cottage set up near the Sheriff’s Headquarters. They could post a bond and be given guns with blanks and free booze and even share the cop’s pizza and go wild shooting the place up, all safely of course. The stupid liberal judges could be provided a video feed to their back porches so they wouldn’t even have to bother coming to the courthouse and just give out suspended sentences from the convenience of their homes or even from a golf cart.; and everyone would be happy except the defense attorneys who wouldn’t be needed and the public could save on paying juries. How about that new downzoning of properties in the Development District. Each and every property that is removed from that district will fall in value and each and every property that remains has a chance at growing in value when the market recovers. But if your property is taken out, it can only go down. And…the county has just raised taxes on your property last year and this year, by big amounts, thanks to Kenny Dement and the Taxocrats Russell, Raley and Mattingly.
Hambone and Beans The following is a meeting of the Board of St. Mary’s Commissioners held behind closed doors. It is in violation of Maryland’s wiretap law for this transcript to have been made from a secret tape recording of the meeting and it is illegal to read this material. Upon reading this, never speak of it again…. "Dammnit all anyway, that *&^@## Rag has people so stirred up about us raising taxes that a mob came out to yell at us at the public hearing," said Jack Russell (no terrier). "How come we don’t get a mob coming out and supporting us when we have secret deals like to buy the Hayden Farm and give money to our pals and relatives, buying out that developer at the Beavan Tract and to support us for a tax hike." "We told the Emptyprize to give us good press if they want to keep the legal ads and they said they would, but maybe people just don’t approve of us raising taxes and blowing money on buying up land from our pals," said one of Dandy Dan’s heads. "We aren’t have as crooked as some counties," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "We are saints compared to other counties, and I should know cause I go out to the strip clubs around Annapolis with the other county commissioners during the General Assembly, I have to tell you that this one dancer, Sasha, she has legs all the way up to her…" "Just a minute," said Russell as he walked sideways across the room. "I want to write down the address of that joint for the next time I have to go to Annapolis." "No problem but I have a few photos of her on my cell phone, wanna see?" said Taxing Tommy. "Hey now, you guys can fool around all you want but my butt is on the line, people are so damn mad at me I’m afraid they are going to lynch me," said Krazy Kenny Dement. "Dan, you and Tommy told Jackie and I to go along with you on the tax hikes that nobody was going to care if there taxes went up a little bit and now I saw on TV the this week that California, the whole damn state voted down tax hikes, what do you think is going to happen to us next year, people are going to vote us out and since you two don’t have to run, its’ me and Jackie that are going to get canned by the voters." "Now, Kenny, don’t make a big thing out of this, we are going to be creative in how we spin this, we already have the Emptyprize out there telling folks this tax hike is good for them," said Dan. "We are going to smooth things over for buying the Hayden Farm by building a luxury library with day care center and an atrium and even a restaurant where folks can get cheap food subsidized by the county, you know I can figure out how to sell a ham sandwich for just 99 cents. I’ll add in several big spoons of beans and while they might get kind of noisy in the library, it won’t matter cause they allow noise in libraries now." "Dan’s right, when folks see a Library Ritz right in here Leonardtown, one so fancy that they will come down here from the Obama White House and give us an award, maybe even give us one of those new Obama YugoFiatK-Cars, I sure would like one of them babies," said Taxing Tommy. "I would take it to Annapolis and go the strip club and I’ll bet Sasha would like it." "Well, I have a deal with McKay," said Krazy Kenny. "He and I are old pals, we go way back in softball days and I was going to have his girlfriend sell my house for me so I could get a condo at Wildewood but damn if he didn’t dump her and take the wife away from somebody else, hell I can’t keep up with Hambone. But now he says his paper is powerful and he gave my own Gold Card and lets me get great deals on frozen pizzas and I go there every day, in fact I have a slice of old pizza in my pocket and a ham sandwich in the other one in case this meeting gets too long. But Hambone is going to back me so that damn black woman don’t get elected and I need this job, what does Elfreda need anyway, and Hambone told me that you guys intentionally set me up to support raising taxes knowing that it would make the GOP furious with me. So I am going to be on the Hambone Ticket, it will be Hambone and I’ll be Beans and together we are going to make some soup, but we have to get rid of Jarboe, and I don’t know how we’ll do it, that lame Bill Mattingly ain’t going nowhere and people love Larry, he told me to stick with him and vote against taxes but I didn’t do it. But now that I am lined up with Hambone we will win, his money and my brains, we’ll have it made."
The Emptyprize always supports tax hikes What a wicked web of lies they weave when they want to dip their hands in your pockets, up the tax on your homes and find new ways to spend your money, all the time saying "its for the children" or "its for cops to keep you safe". Exactly how stupid are Krazy Kenny and the Taxocrats to think you will swallow their swill? But they never quit trying to pile on more manure and in the spring, when the load of winter manure is over the top of the sideboards of the spreader, there is only so much crap you can pile into that machine to spread across the fields of constant yield. Danny Raley is a fine guy and Tommy Mattingly pictures himself as a dedicated public servant. They are both right. The problem is that both are unrealistic and duplicitous in the way that they present the budget to the public, the way that they and Russell and Dement, the dynamic due of dumbness, play fast and loose with the facts and with your hard-earned money. Note that the chief advocates of boosting taxes are the Emptyprize, a money-losing appendage of the Washington Post. That s—sheet has never, not once, opposed a tax hike. They have been advocating tax increases for years on property and for years the editor didn’t even own property in the county but rented a cottage on an exclusive waterfront estate and didn’t care about property tax rates. The other advocates for more taxes are the executive directors of the non-profit groups that con the commissioners out of your tax money. If you wish to donate to charity that should be your decision and your business, but the commissioners take your money from you at gunpoint. That’s right, if you fail to pay your taxes it will be seized by the armed Sheriff and sold at public auction. But the commissioners take your money and then dole it out to St. Mary’s College for their concerts. $10,000 goes to the college so those who go there can listen to music for free. While you are home on Friday nights in the summer, listening to your old Victrola or playing the harmonica while the rocking chair rocks back and forth and once in a while catches the cat’s tail, a bunch of folks lay on the grass or sip wine in lawn chairs and listen to music you paid for instead of coughing up ten bucks. They have plenty of money for pricey sandwiches and cheese but you pay for the music, not them. Make sure you are registered to vote.
Political Predictions Governor Martin O’Malley will come through on his promise to bring commuter rail to Southern Maryland. That is not a fact but a prediction. Since this is a political gossip column as well as a Crystal Ball, it has been a pattern of quite some background for this column to make quite accurate predictions about politics. Watch this Governor, who has been teetering quite a bit of the time over the last three years as he has rolled with the economy, supervised a huge tax hike and still managed to find money to blow on buying land from the poor Jesuits, who certainly took all that money and put in the poor box. But the Jesuits have done a lot of nice things for the poor over the years but they could have sold off one of their parcels and built low income housing on one of the others. As poor folks like to fish, it would have been novel for some poor folks to actually have waterfront homes. At Myrtle Point park the neighbors have managed to intimidate the St. Mary’s Commissioners and keep them from developing the park which has two miles of waterfront. The elite neighbors of Myrtle Point Park, who dubbed themselves "friends" of the park, have proven that they aren’t friends of anything but themselves. The Myrtle Point neighbors have been successful in turning a 192 acre park which was paid for by tax dollars into a preserve at which the smelly public is kept at bay. Who wants Latinos and blacks from DC coming to Myrtle Point Park to fish. They might leave some trash around or have smelly food they might want to cook up or have weird languages like Korean or Chinese or Vietnamese. Nope, the bluebloods at Myrtle Point want to call the shots and the creepy commissioners of the 1998 board, Julie Randall, Joe Anderson and Shelby Guazzo, along with Taxing Tommy and Dandy Dan were all to happy to appease the environmentalists, who are in bed with the snobs at Myrtle Point. The snobs and the enviro-whackos are politically active and they made a deal with the commissioners to eliminate a development plan at Myrtle Point. No fishing pier, no boat ramps, no picnic pavilions and NO BALL FIELDS, NO SOCCER, NO LACROSSE! Nothing, just a big bug farm full of noxious weeds overgrowing the fine fields which used to be there. Just three miles away, the county bought the Beavan Tract on Indian Bridge Road which is wooded and has to be cleared to build ball fields. Therefore, back to the Governor. Will he continue to be Governor O’Bull when it comes to keeping his promises in 2006 about commuter rail? Or will he keep his word and put Marc trains on the CSX tracks to Morgantown and give Southern Maryland commuters a break, save on gas and clean up the air. It is easy to mix up true Green efforts with politically correct baloney such as Al Gore’s Global Warming. Gore simply used climate change to get rich and all the green has gone into his pocket. But O’Malley will overcome the challenges in his own party and beat a comeback attempt by Bobby Ehrlich. O’Malley may smile a lot and like to pose for photos with bigwigs and dirtbags but he is tough and effective. Watch for this guy to don a conductors cap and holler ‘All Aboard’ on the first train to leave the station in La Plata.
Exit the Rain-taker When a lawyer figures out he is bringing in all the business, he is the rainmaker and his partner isn’t doing anything but soaking up the bucks, that lawyer decides to dump his partner and end the partnership. This happened last week to a firm which sprung up just about 3 years ago and apparently the one who was taking the rain didn’t take her partner’s decision very well. She showed him that she was the crafty one. When the rainmaker showed up at his office this past week, there was nothing left but the bare walls. He called the cops and they told him that since it was a partnership, she was free to hightail it with anything she wanted, it didn’t qualify as theft. Parting is such sweet sorrow, mentioned some Bard. Board told they would be welcome figures in obits. Hells bells, the citizen who told the St. Mary’s Commissioners last week that he never wanted to see their names again in the paper unless it was in the obituaries. After the SOBs raised taxes on folk’s homes while those homes were dropping in value and they are prepared to do so again, its not hard to blame the guy for his foul mood. This is exactly what they deserve to hear and it’s not what they deserve. This column advocates that they be beheaded and have their heads put on pikes and paraded around Leonard Hall as a warning to other politicians not to do that crap. And to hell with putting them in the obits. Let the dripping heads be their final epithet. Of course, this advise should not be taken too literally, as torture would certainly be called for, waterboarding and then public stoning and the racks too. How about fire ants? It truly is time for these pork-barreling, double-talking, tax-hiking, blowhards to be held accountable. But watch out for Mattingly and Raley, they can’t run again and they are truly dangerous as they are hell bent on spending money and making deals for their pals. Here is next year’s possible Democrat lineup for commissioner: Mary Washington, Elfreda Mathis, Jackie Russell, Harry "Lanny" Lancaster and Bill Mattingly. The GOP ought to hope they are the line up as if they are the nominees of the Democrats, there could be an all-Republican board once again. If you think taxes are high now, let that crowd get in office.
Politics and Gossip Just when someone gets their name around, they take it back. Like the old Godfather movie line, just when I thought I was getting out, they pull me back in…So Joe St. Clair thinks he has a cake walk for a seat on the school board, and Bill Mattingly somehow thinks that he can be a county commissioner. Its good that Bill wants to run as he has already plead the Fifth in court when it came to a federal case against the refuse company he used to run. So when he was sworn to tell the truth, he said he didn’t want to incriminate himself. That makes him an excellent candidate for county commissioner, at least we would know in advance he won’t tell the truth about illegal conduct, which is somehow refreshing over what we have now with the Hayden Farm, the Beavan tract and St.. George’s Peninsula. How dumb are the voters of St. Mary’s County? Jackie Russell thinks you are plenty dumb and Kenny Dement, well, he is simply confused. Both need to join the list of former commissioners. So who is going to run? Patty Robrecht was anticipated all over and held in high regard, but she has chickened out. Perhaps a wise choice. Mike Hewitt is ready to return to the Republican Party from whence he came and make another run for Commissioner President. Dr. Sal Raspa is being encouraged to run for Commissioner President and if he does, watch Jackie jump off his boat and take the anchor with him. Former Leonardtown Commissioner Dan Muchow is ready to throw his hat in the ring and he ought to make a strong Democratic contender for the Leonardtown – Hollywood commissioner district. Leonardtown Mayor Chip Norris may also run. Republican Rich Johnson is seriously considering running for the commissioner district which encompasses Valley Lee, Ridge and Callaway. Johnson is sharp and articulate and will make a formidable candidate. Dement only beat Tim Wood by 300 votes in the GOP primary and that was before he helped load up big tax hikes last year and this year on property owners in four election districts. Dement promised to be conservative and to listen to folks but he can’t name anyone who asked to have their taxes raised. Russell is a lot like Mattingly. They preach the enviro-liberal gibberish and then hand over everything to the developers. Raley is difficult to understand but that could be because his head revolves faster than a merry-go-round. Raley is sincere, just not consistent. Todd Morgan’s name has been proposed by former Commissioner Francie Eagan and she thinks he would be a good commissioner. Friends of Linda Palchinsky are urging her to run for commissioner from the Lexington Park, Great Mills, and California district currently represented by Raley. Linda is popular and dedicated. The Enterprise’s attempt to beat her up this past week was pathetic given the history of that newspaper, under a previous owner, owing tremendous amounts of withholding taxes and having to go to the Steuart Oil Company and to Lexington Park developer Harry Waller to borrow money to keep from being closed down by the government. Its interesting that just when it gets talked about that Linda should run that the Enterprise tries to paint her in a bad light, everyone owes taxes and she is paying hers and working hard to pay it all off. But Mary Washington will be the favorite candidate of the liberal Emptyprize and they are already going to work with dirty tricks. Who else has the Emptyprize, a rag owned by the Washington Post, which itself may go out of business in this deep depression, who else have they attacked for being broke? There are lots of small businesses folding and this week saw the biggest real estate collapse in American history when a major mall operator filed for bankruptcy. The answer to this is that the Enterprise has never opposed your taxes being raised and never has opposed wasteful spending on the part of St. Mary’s County. Those worn out ultra-liberal hacks ain’t on your side and Hambone Gazette is just the Good Old Boy s— sheet. Remember the old Countian which folded up nearly 20 years ago? That is what the Hambone Gazette is, just another puff piece to make the developers look good and to be able to continue to do business and put off the real costs associated with growth on the residential property owner. These fat cats really laugh their butts off at what Krazy Kenny and the Taxocrats deliver to them.
The Democrats can’t add or get history right The St. Mary’s Democratic Club has sent out really nice invitations to honor folks that are this year’s celebrated Democrats. It used to be that just one such Democrat was honored and now the club has come up with six or seven folks. It could be that they just wanted to honor a bunch of old Democrats before they either died or changed to Republican, in either case, that might be why they had a fire sale for honoring Democrats. The Democratic Party, with it’s chief honcho who bows and scrapes for Raghead Kings, is really in trouble, just think the first year of the Clinton Administration. Now this guy Obama is like the dog who caught the fire truck and doesn’t have a clue as to what to do with it once he caught it. But America is tough enough. But take note that 85 American soldiers have died in Afghanistan and Iraq since THAT ONE was sworn into office. But you wouldn’t know it from the way the media, at least what is left of it that hasn’t gone belly up, covers, or covers up, for the White House. Now that silly George Bush held hands with the King of Saudi Arabia, which was a pretty dorky thing to do and now we have the horrible sight of the new president bending all the way over to waist level and then his White House folks try to tell you not to believe your lying eyes. What a President does when he bows to a King is to show all America his ass. This American president has just asked for another $83 billion for the wars and if anyone knows what the purpose of the mission is, please write it down. But the liberal Democrats are all full of grape Kool Aid. As for the Democratic Club, their invitation states that this is the 375th anniversary of our Democratic Party. Wrong, its the 375th anniversary of Maryland. Thomas Jefferson was considered the father of the Democratic Party and that would peg it to around 1800. So that would make it about 209 years.
Now that Fritz has a strong contender to face for the first time, both of his previous contested elections were with weak candidates, Fritz is resorting to the time-honored traditions of shabby politics and is trying to indict his opponent. Weiner did it to one of his political opponents and now Fritz is trying, but he just can’t seem to get the Grand Jury to go along with him, perhaps some wise souls on the panel can see Fritz’s actions for what they are, sleazy and corrupt. John Mattingly just won a brilliant victory at the Supreme Court which now allows him to press on with his client’s case. Mattingly took up the cause of a widow suffering from cancer against a big credit card outfit trying to take her house and cheating at all the rules. This isn’t the first time that John Mattingly has been on the side of the little guy. For Fritz and his cadre of erstwhile prosecutors, they have some explaining to do. It is a curious affair when drug dealers and drunk drivers simply have to make a donation to a pet project of the prosecutor in order to get off their criminal charges. This is nothing more than payoffs and using a noble charity in the process. But the stench of corruption prevails and those who can afford one of the Leonardtown barristers and a big fat donation to a special charity and they get off. What is worse is that the lawyers who wheel and deal for their clients also get to make donations to the special fund. Some of those who are able to pay off the prosecutor then are able to go back out and drive drunk again or participate in drug trafficking. Should Fritz actually be able, on his sixth attempt, to persuade the Grand Jury that John Mattingly is a ham sandwich, then charges may be placed but the public will be able to see them for what they are: a political vendetta played out by little boys who mis-use the law. John Mattingly’s vow to bring back proper discretion on the part of the prosecutor instead of allowing the office to be a low-end version of Lets Make a Deal is only part of the problem for Fritz and his law-lackeys. The rest of the story is that this crew really doesn’t work very hard, they just got raises again last year and with a new states attorney many of them will be out on their cans looking for a job in a really bad job market. Of course John Weiner will be glad to have his brother Teddy back working in his office once again. The recent case of the man who dropped dead while he was being robbed by an illegal alien showed the ineptness of the States Attorney’s Office. Fritz should have been able to win the case and did not. Perhaps he was more worried about Spring Gobbler Season. For the Fritz camp to attempt to use John Mattingly’s very forthright decision to avail himself of alcohol counseling is really a sham. Fritz’s years of boozing were followed by many years of wise abstention, a credit to him and a relief to his family. For his supporters to try to sully John Mattingly for properly attending to his health is not only phony, but very revealing as to their lack of candor and character. This race for States Attorney can and should be about how best to provide law enforcement for the benefit of the public and to the detriment of the criminals. The public needs to understand that the courthouse crowd does not like John Mattingly, they do not want him elected. Voters will show that they know that their best interests are not often the same as what’s best for the courthouse crowd.
How can we get so lucky? Old Hambone Tommy McKay will be running for commissioner as he believes he is a grade higher than Jackie Russell. Wow. Who would have thunk it that we could dust off all the old cartoons and have more fun with Hambone. It would only be better if Babs ran on a ticket with him and picked up Little Lulu as their running mate. Fritz is worried about John Mattingly and he is going to let loose his dogs real soon, digging deep into his bag of dirty tricks, so says The Shadow, who knows for sure. Kenny Dement just won’t listen to anyone but Dan Raley and he is determined to vote to raise taxes again. He will be lucky if he isn’t stoned as people are really mad as hell over their taxes going up while the property heads into the bottomless pit of low prices. Sooner or late St. Mary’s County is going to have to swear off of electing idiots like Tommy Mattingly, Jackie Russell and Dement. As for Dan, he truly is a good fellow but he was joined at the neck with a chump who takes control of the brain, the tongue and sets both heads swiveling and spinning like a top. Poor Dan, he was raised with common sense and lost it all when he sold his store. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Brightest Commissioner of them All? The following is an transcript of a back room meeting of the St. Mary’s Commissioners and is illegal to read this material. Continue at your own risk, you have been warned. "The Hambone Gazette wants to do a cover article about who is the brightest commissioner on the board, you know, the leader of the board, the smartest and the most insightful," said Dandy Dan Raley as both of his heads nodded in agreement. "Why that has to be me, as I have a college degree," said Jack Russell (no terrier). "I have a smart wife and every week as I am putting good crabs on the dead ones in the bushel, you know, putting the good ones at the top so those dummies who buy them from me won’t know they will only get a half a bushel of good ones, she always tells me how smart and how handsome I am. Doesn’t that prove I am the brightest commissioner of them all?" "Considering that the Rag has this place bugged, and we all know it, it sure wasn’t too bright of you to run your mouth like that," said Raley. "Don’t hand that high and mighty crap to me, Dan," said Jackie. "You sure don’t mind staying in on the vote when your relative is the lawyer or his law partners are the lawyers and its all a big conflict. That don’t seem too smart." "Well, clearly, I am the one who goes to Annapolis all the time," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "I know the best places to watch women pole dance. I learned how to be smart by hanging around all those liberals from Montgomery County and from going to cocktail parties with the lobbyists and those good looking honeys that hang around all those fancy bars in Annapolis, yeah buddy, I am going to run against Johnny Wood so I can stay in Annapolis for three months running…its all I can do sometimes to bring myself on down the road after one of those invigororating and stimulating conferences." "Stimulating," yelled Kenny. "That’s me, I am stimulating and I want Obama to stimulate my wallet, he can call it Aid to Homeowners, I am a Homeowner and I want some aid, and I want it all in unmarked small bills. I am going to run as a Democrat again, that black woman with the big mouth can be my campaign chairman, I will think of every good thing every black ever told me and write it all down as my campaign platform and I will raise every tax I can, even raise them twice so I can get the black vote." "But Kenny," said Commissioner Moonbeam Jarboe, "even black voters don’t want their taxes raised, whatever gave you that idea?" "Its written right here on stuff that McKay gave me to say and I found it in my sport coat pocket next to a ham sandwich. That sandwich was old but I just figured it was Old Ham, which of course is salt cured and will last about 10 years." "Well I obviously am the brightest bulb in the box," said Russell. "I fooled all those enviro-whackos into voting for me and I fooled all the developers into giving me money in the campaign, I just followed Joe Anderson’s gamebook and it worked real good. The fat cats are always looking to grease the skids and the enviro-whackos are always looking to get something special and its up to me to make both sides happy." "Well I make the Chamber of Commerce happy," said Dandy Dan. "They think I know what I am doing and I told them I am going to raise taxes again so we have more money to spend. I looked them in the eye when I said it and I wringed my hands about 25 times and they got the message. That ought to make me the prize winner." "Well, boys, I am leaving now, I can see where this is going, I think you all are the smartest commissioner of them all," said Larry. "Don’t let the door hit you in the ….," said Kenny. "Well, I know I am the smartest," said Taxing Tommy. "I am going to the White House and see if they will let me the place, I know that with my experience and my smartness, I can be a high administration official and work somewhere knocking down one of those high-falutin’ salaries. And they got good strip clubs in DC." "Lets spread some of that money around, when do we start," said Kenny. " I voted for that damn Hayden Farm and I want my money, I have been getting beaten up real good and you can go to the reader poll at ST. MARY’S TODAY and you can see that 91 percent of the people want to get rid of me and Russell, that is amazing, all I did was raise taxes, those Library people like me a lot, I have never had smart people want to hang around me and be my friend, they even invite me to some of their parties but I don’t understand why they serve chicken liver and don’t have no crust on the sandwiches, but I fill up my pockets all the same, although the chicken liver gets a little messy. But those liberals aren’t too bad and I have to have somebody be my friends because the damn conservatives give me hell every where I go cause I raised taxes and voted for the Hayden Farm. Sometimes those people get on my nerves and I just stuff sandwiches in my pocket and leave wherever I am." "So who is the brightest of them all," asked Raley. "The mirror just broke," said Russell, "I guess that means two things, none of us is bright and we are in for some bad luck." Leftover Oyster Sandwiches The following is secretly recorded transcript of the back room meeting of the St. Mary’s Board, which was taped illegally and is illegal to read. Proceed at your own risk. "Okay boys, I can see you were playing hardball with me last week for something I really wanted, to give away PUD status to St. Mary’s Crossing developers, whoever they might be, I really don’t know them," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "Oh sure, you don’t know, your campaign donation list had their names all over it, and you probably had a lot more you didn’t report," sneered Jack Russell (No Terrier). "We know you know them very well, we know we all know them very well and I hazard a guess that more than one person here was a guest on their sport fishing trip off of Ocean City at the MaCo convention, been with that developer to trips to ski resorts and to that resort town of Vegas on a private plane. Who are you kidding," said Dandy Dan Raley. "Don’t start being holier than thou with me, either one of your heads Danny boy," said Taxing Tommy. "You are just sore because you didn’t get as much out of them as I did, that’s your fault if you didn’t shake and bake when you had a chance. But don’t worry, there will be many more projects to approve and these guys can just get in line to get their names on our dance cards (Wink, Blink, Nod)". "I shaked, I baked and I still don’t have any wampum," said Kenny. "I came into this job poor and you guys have hogged all the money and all I have gotten so far has been all I can eat at the school cafeterias and all the free meals I can carry out from fire department installations. This is getting frustrating, I want to learn and earn and how to make them pay to play like that great governor out there in Chicago, which I really didn’t know was a state." "Kenny, Chicago isn’t a state, it’s a big city in the state of Illinois and that guy ain’t governor any more," said Electric Larry. "I can see where this conversation is going and I am taking off before some body gets a tape of you all. I haven’t been a part of your schemes and I’m not going to get dragged in to your troubles." "Just a darn minute," said one of the Dan Raleys. "We are a board and deals that one of us makes is good for all, all for one. You’ll get a split Larry, we promise." "I split all I want when I run the splitter at the mill, then I shred, shave and crumble before it goes in the hopper," said Larry. "When I come to Leonardtown it is to make policy for the county government and I can tell you I haven’t had much good company here over the years. Francie was great but she’s gone, Chris was young and dumb and he’s gone, but he was good for having some good votes from time to time, at least when it counted. And when it came to Crazy Paul, Babs, Hambone and you guys, I can tell you right now that for the most part you all are out of your ever-loving minds and give county folks a bad name with the way you appear to either be crooked or dumb." "But our family and friends like us just the way we are," said Kenny. "We can’t change if we want to, this is just like the Mafia, once you are in, you stay in, if you try to get out, they pull you back in. Now I have an oyster sandwich in my pocket from last Saturday, do you think its still good to eat or should I give it to a homeless dog on my way home…or I could always give it to…nah…I’ll just eat it."
"Quiet Kenny," said Jackie. "We can’t even dream about that deal or we can be sent up the river if the State Prosecutor finds out about it, we can’t take money, cash, tips or anything like those commissioners in the past did all the time, boy those were the days!" "Well I have always believed that you can count a chicken that you can carry, its cash and carry, chicken and carry and carryouts for commissioners, get the idea, buckaroo?" said Kenny. "I am an old man and I can’t wait forever, this was a lousy deal you guys set up, I have been taking all kinds of flack over this and now I have to go to bed with visions of deals vanishing in thin air." "Kenny, these aren’t the old days, there are too many ways to watch you," said Jackie. "That’s my point exactly, look what happened with that finance broad, she insists on keeping records and all that, how is anyone supposed to slip away a little tip here and there if some dang dingbat is writing it all down!" said Kenny. "Can we at least get a freezer full of fresh pork or a side of beef, I don’t want any more of that shine, its too strong for me," said Kenny. "This is all about good government," said Dandy Dan. "Nobody here is going to profit from any decisions of the board, that would constitute bribery and we have simply decided to expand the size of government, raise taxes with wild abandon and walk away from any attempt to reduce the size and cost of government." "I am tired of listening to the public," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "We have many more amenities we need to build, there has been a public outcry for skating rinks
"But we haven’t had a public hearing," said Larry. "The Public Be Damned," said Dandy Dan Raley. "We have heard all we need to from the damn public, heck, I even hear it from my mother after she reads the damn Rag, she just raises hell with me, wants to know if I ever learned one solitary thing from her, she never raised me to blow money like this, and especially when it’s other people’s money, hell the only one that thinks I am doing any good is that goofy brother-in-law of mine, who loved to spend money when it was the public money and could only get elected one time. I have shown them all, I have staying power, I can be the greatest commissioner in history and then I am going to take on Roy Dyson. I will show that silly Hambone a thing or two on how to win an election. I hear Obama is going to make Dyson an assistant secretary of agriculture and that will open up that senate seat for me." "Dan," said Larry. "Did you have too much eggnog? Dyson isn’t going to DC, he has this senator job down real good and people like him but why am I wasting my time trying to talk any sense into you, go ahead and run for anything you please, maybe you can be President of St Mary’s College after Maggie blows town. You have two heads, you might as well get two jobs." "I just want everyone to know I need their votes," said Kenny Dement. "I listen to people real good."
The following is a transcript of the St. Mary’s Commissioners Meeting in their back room and since this was secretly taped, it is against the law for anyone to read this. You have been warned, read at your own risk. "Okay, when does this meeting start?" asked Commissioner Moonbeam Jarboe. "We ain’t having no meeting," said Kenny. "We four are hopping on the evening train for Chicago and going to get in on that politics that they have out there where the real money is." "But you all have been making good money making sure the right people get appointed to the planning commission and the sewer board, putting roads in the right place and buying land from certain people," said Larry. "Why do you have to go to Chicago?" "Hells bells, Tommy and I can’t run again here, so we are going to serve out our terms working for Gov. Blabbermouth, we called him today and he said, hey, hop on a train and come on out, I need some new friends, so we are packed and ready to go and it’s a good way to get the hell away from that Rag," said Dandy Dan Raley. "We can run for Alderman," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "We can establish residency by joining up with ACORN and becoming errand boys for the Governor. We know how to get people to pay to play, we have been doing it for a long time and we are good at it, but the real money is out there, I can’t believe how cheap we have been letting things go for." "Does that Jesse Jackson guy still run around out there," said Kenny. "I don’t want to have anything to do with him, he is right uppity." "Its high time to get things right," said Jackie. "I am going to have my crew sail the Dee up the Atlantic and through the St. Lawrence Seaway and right down to Chicago to the Navy Pier and I can tie up there and keep my foundation scam going full tilt. This is going to be a real party, Wheeeehooo!" "We are going to the land of milk and honey, they get a million bucks for making an appointment, hell we’ve been getting maybe thousand and a turkey, once we got a horse and buggy and another time we got a truck but I am tired of putting on a clean suit and going to Leonardtown to sit there for all those boring meetings just to make a few extra thousand on the side," said Dan, "not that I would actually take anything like that (wink, nod, wink)." "I understand that they have good strip bars in the nightclubs out there," said Tommy. "I am getting tired of going to the same strip club in Annapolis all the time, its time for a change." "Hey, do we get to cuss like Governor Blabbermouth does?" asked Kenny. "I don’t know if I could say all those bad words, I really don’t want to F this and F that all day, can we use other terms like "Strike One?" "We need to have some real good digs to live in if we are going to be the chief henchmen for the Governor," said Tommy. "I don’t want to live in a firehouse." "And I don’t want to live in a stable with Mrs. O’Leary’s cow," said Kenny. "Well guys, it sounds like you are serious about moving to Chicago, who will serve on the commissioners board with me," said Larry. "Get Clare to be a commissioner," said Tommy. "She always said she wanted to be in charge, let her do it and she’s too silly to take bribes, not that I ever took any (wink, nod wink)." "I hear the whistle blowing, its coming round the bend," said Kenny. "Get your tickets ready boy, we are going to join the big time and blow these small town blues." "I am going to miss you fellows a whole lot," pined Larry.
Tennyson’s buyers remorse is understandable but it is quite another thing to accuse someone of cooking the books on their business as the Times (Hambone Gazette) article does. The civil dispute between the south county families over the market will work itself out in time. But while Raley deserves severe criticism for his many foibles as a county commissioner, raising taxes, blowing money on new parks which aren’t needed and much, much more, to accuse him of fraud is something that bears much scrutiny. Hambone’s mouthpiece never mentioned in their article that they are writing about another grocery store when the parent company of their snooze paper is owned by the family that profits from a grocery store going out of business in Ridge. They should have done so. They never mentioned in their article that the owner of the paper sat as a commissioner for four years and that Raley make a monkey out of Hambone McKay all during that time and they should have done so. They never mentioned that the owner and editor of their snoozepaper fictitiously awarded himself a college degree in business administration which turned out to be a false claim and they should have done so, as he apparently awarded himself a degree in journalism, which this Rag’s very existence for the last 20 years proves is not necessary, therefore the Hambone Gazette can get along without it too. But Hambone is a proven liar and that should have been in their article. But new folks to the area need to know that the fish wrapper they are reading about the scandal and affairs of their elected officials is giving full disclosure (not Hambone’s affairs of course as there isn’t enough news print for that effort) and when a public official is properly slimed it should be richly deserved. There is
no doubt that Dan Raley is a tax-hiking moron of the first degree and
were he running for office again we would encourage not only his
immediate defeat but perhaps keelhauling and beheading as well. But he
isn’t a crook, he’s too dumb to commit fraud, and it’s wrong to say he
cooked the books on his store. Dan Raley tries his level best to make
good decisions after consultation with the best minds around and some
times only listens to the dumbest. But he really is a good guy, always
has been, he just wrings his hands too much and imitates his relative J.
Frank. Slime Dan Raley? Nope. It’s wrong. Beat him up for raising taxes
and blowing money? Sure. Its fair play. Does Hambone have the secret mission of trying to kill the deal for a new buyer for Raley’s store just in order to eliminate a grocery competitor? Did McKay’s failed attempt to buy out Raleys play into the decision to slime Raley? Was it politics? Did Hambone suddenly want to do a news article for which he could award himself the Pulitzer Prize? Only The Shadow knows for sure!
"Okay, Tommy, now its important that we get this right," said Dandy Dan Raley from one of his heads. "Right, I have been practicing all the way to Leonardtown," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "I know darn well why we are opposed to commuter rail coming to this region, first if they get it to Waldorf, they’ll want to bring it down to Lexington Park and then there goes the neighborhood, we’ll get more of them African folks moving here, and we already have enough of them, we get more and they’ll want to join the Chamber of Commerce and play golf at the public golf course, then you know they’ll be right inside the new county country club and our folks won’t like a bunch of uppity negroes hanging around Wicomico." "We have enough problems with that pushy Nolan broad, she wants that old damn building at Hermanville, well I won’t let her have it while I am commissioner," said Dan. "She can wait and it will just fall down, we did pretty good in letting that nerdy Schaller get out front on this issue, those professor types are just as dumb as a door when it comes to figuring us out, we can play him like a piano." "Yep, he was talking all the right talk, it’s a good point, how can the Black USO pay for itself, that Nolan woman was too stupid to ask how does the Softball Hall of Fame pay for itself or Piney Point Lighthouse where we have dumped in millions," said Tommy. "We just don’t need more places for uppity Negroes to be hanging out and causing problems, if they don’t like it they can move to DC." "Well lets get our stuff right and then get that nerdy Schaller to be the mouthpiece again, when this stuff comes out of his mouth, he is so slick that people actually believe it but when you pop off like you did last week about the interchange at Rt. 4 and Rt. 235 keeping commuter rail from ever coming down the road, you really sounded like an idiot," said Dan. "Hell it was your idea for me to say that since I am the one that’s always going to meetings in Annapolis," said Tommy. "People think I have learned a lot since I travel back and forth, but I don’t actually go to meetings up there, I found this great titty bar in Parole and heck I just park there and spend the day, its great." "Look, this is the deal," said Dan. "Just say that we can’t have brothers from DC getting on a train, going out to Bowie at 5 am, getting on the first train from Bowie to St. Mary’s and then going into homes in Wildewood and stealing plasma TVs and then carrying it back out to the station and waiting all day to get on the train back to Bowie, transfer to DC and then make it home while all the cops are looking at vehicles on the highway. With all our dumb cops they will never figure it out due to the high amount of sugar in their systems due to all the donuts." "You sure I won’t look like an idiot again," asked Tommy. "Nope, you’ll have a ‘Raley’ fine day," said Dan.
The following is a secret tape recording of the back room deals of the St. Mary’s Commissioners. It is illegal to read this transcript, proceed at your own risk: "Why do we have to worry about that damn highway," said Kenny Dement. "We just approve the 835 new homes on the road and its done, we all go away with what we want." "But Kenny," said Jackie, "there are 836 homes in that proposed PUD." "I know it, but I want one of them and I thought you would get one too," said Kenny, "isn’t that why we are big pals with these developers?" "Holy Moses, Kenny, you aren’t supposed to talk like that in here, you are supposed to wink, blink or nod," said Jackie. "Its right here in the special handbook that they passed out to us as new commissioners when were first sworn in." "I can’t figure out why you bother with book learning, Russell, what has it ever gotten you, you still have that dumb boat, you are losing money on it and its taking on water and you can’t sell it," said Kenny. "I thought you were going to set up your own softball foundation and make a mint like I have done," said Jackie. "I found out that the county couldn’t give me the Softball Hall of Fame, I was willing to hook a truck to it and haul it out but it has something to do with Open Space Funds," said Kenny. "Look, Raley, you and Russell may not care about running for office again, you both have good hustles going but I need this job and I went to the county fair this weekend and everywhere I went people chewed me out for their property taxes going up, they yell and scream and tell me that their taxes went up $500, $1,000 and more and they are holding it against me, but I was just one of four votes in favor of raising taxes, and you all said no one would notice. You really stuck it to me and this week you sit in our commissioner meeting and talk about what a great idea it was, can you just for once keep your big mouths shut, you even said we are going to raise taxes again next spring and I’m telling you if I vote to raise taxes again people are going to lynch me." "Don’t you think you are just overreacting a little bit," said Raley. "You were telling everyone you are a Democrat at heart and when the Republicans get you in a corner, your legs buckle and you go weak on us, we Democrats have to raise taxes, its just how we are made." "Don’t give me that, Dyson has been in office for a hundred years and he has never voted for a tax hike, he says that taxes have a way of going up without anyone voting to make them go up," said Kenny. "Lookee here, said Russell, just everyone vote for slots, then vote to make prostitution legal, and then vote to overthrow prohibition and bring back legal booze so we can tax it and put those moonshiners out of business in the backwoods down in Drayden. Those boys have no right to make so much money without paying any taxes." "How did we get off on this stuff," said Dement, "I gotta get out of here and go meet some developers who want to tell me some stuff, but I want to duck the Republicans, they want me to sit in a dunking booth to raise money for the party, that ain’t very funny, they should treat a commissioner with respect." "No Kenny, they just know that if they got you in that dunking booth, the mad taxpayers would spend their last dollar trying to dunk you," said Raley. "The GOP would make some big bucks off of you!"
"Well, Kenny, you probably should have voted with Larry on the constant yield," said Dandy Dan Raley. "If you had voted with Larry and I KNEW you were going to vote with him, I probably would have voted with you." "Now you tell me," said Kenny. "Do you know how much crap I am taking from life-long friends all over the county, people are mailing back my fundraiser tickets and writing NO in big letters, they tell me that they don’t have any money left for back-stabbing, tax-hiking liberals like me after they got their tax bills, some of them had their taxes go up by a third or more and who do they blame? They don’t blame you cause you can’t run again, they don’t blame Mattingly cause he can’t run again, they don’t even blame Jackie too much cause they expected it out of him cause he’s a Democrat, but they blame me because I am a Republican and shouldn’t be voting to raise taxes." "Well, all you had to do to be reelected was to vote with Larry, even The Rag told you that," said Raley. "But I only went along with it because you Democrats said I should and I thought you knew what you were talking about," said Kenny as he pulled an old ham sandwich out of his pocket and scarfed it down. "Well now that it looks like you are going to get beat in the Republican primary, we Democrats have a responsibility to run a candidate who can win," said Dandy Dan. "How about me, I’ll just switch," said Kenny. "Nope, you could never win as a Democrat, you never won before and now after you turned traitor and went Republican and actually whipped an incumbent Democrat commissioner, with the help of that damn Rag, you can’t come back." "You mean you want that black woman with the squeaky voice," said Kenny. "There are more people out there to run than her and the party is seeing that left-wing loonies just won’t get elected in St. Mary’s anymore, the last one was Joe Anderson and you just aren’t very good, after all, you raised taxes and there are plenty of Democrats who aren’t too happy with you for doing that." "But dammit, you all told me all I had to do was point the finger at the State for raising the assessments and that the average voter was too stupid to know that the commissioners set the tax rate and therefore if we lowered the tax rate by seven cents we could have made up for the assessments and their taxes would have been the same," said Kenny. "Actually, it wasn’t the voters who were too stupid Kenny," said Dan. "I feel like I have been thrown under the bus by you Democrats," said Kenny. "The Republicans treat me like a turncoat and now you Democrats who promised me a home to come back and just do the right thing, to raise taxes and increase spending on the feel-good junk that I would make out, now I can see you outsmarted me and leaving me holding the bag and with no job. Maybe the Republicans will let me stay if I make a motion to lower taxes retroactively." "But it won’t go anywhere, only Larry will vote with you and it’s too late and next year we are going to have to raises taxes again or else we will have to lay off 25 employees," said Dan. "I just wouldn’t want to be in your shoes." "Holy mackerel, I have been had, who thought up this scheme?" "Hee, hee, it was all Joe Anderson’s idea on how to get even with you and send you back to driving school buses," said Dan. "Worked like a charm."
"Okay, you women get the coffee for us guys, we are going to talk turkey about politics," directed Jackie Russell to the secretaries at the Guvmental Center. "We men are running things here and we sure don’t want to take a chance on having a broad as President of the United States, especially a woman who has five kids." "Well, I am leaving this silly meeting," said Larry Jarboe, the only commissioner to vote against the tax hikes in St. Mary’s County. "Since I am the only commissioner who isn’t walking around with a target on his back, I don’t want to volunteer for an ass-whipping over this issue and believe me, I know women are smarter than you all, they know it and you guys are the only ones besides Sally Quinn that just don’t get it." "Without Jarboe in here, that damn Rag won’t know what took place in here, so good riddance," said Commissioner Dandy Dan Raley. "I like it here, it’s the only place I can pretend like I am in charge. When I go to Ridge, my mother runs things, when I go home to Great Mills, Ann runs things, but when I come to Leonardtown, you better believe we men are in charge. People tell me all the time that they like things the way they are since we got those dumb broads off the board of commissioners, between Babs, Francie, Shelby and Julie, things were just a big henhouse in Leonardtown with government all messy, flowers sitting around and tissue containers, air spray, no cigars and no good jokes in the back room. Yessirree we have it made now and I sure don’t want to see a bad example for local government with a woman Vice President. If that Alaska Governor gets elected with McCain, pretty soon the women here are going to get uppity again and want to run government, we can’t take a chance on that, especially that Mary Washington." "Yessiree, I agree," said Kenny Dement. "And that Alfredo Mathis woman, she has that squeaky voice that makes your skin crawl and she will never shut up and that damn rag wants to run me out of office so she can get in and make things really crazy." "Well, Kenny and Danny, Jarboe might have left, but you two really have lost your minds, the TV cameras and sound are still on and you are broadcasting your broadwords to all of the county right now and everyone can here what nincompoops you guys really are," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "Well at least I’m not sitting around waiting for Johnny Wood to have a heart attack for my life plans," said Raley. "I am planning on a new career working as a reporter for the Rag and believe me buddy, I have been taking notes for the past ten years." "Oh Chreeist," said Russell. "That’s just what we need, someone who helped bury all the bodies helping to dig them up, is nothing sacred?" "I am working on my foundation for softball and I am going to make a killing, I don’t need this lousy commissioner job, I helped you all hire all those non-profit employees of the non-governmental groups and put them into cushy government jobs and now they are all turning on me and are signing up to work for Alfredo, that’s loyalty for you," said Kenny. "Well, look here Kenny, don’t tell people what we did in putting another 25 people on the payroll, its going to be hard to eliminate some folks next spring in order to balance the budget, we can’t raise taxes again or people will be coming to Leoanrdtown with hangmens nooses and torches and string us up from the trees in front of Leonard Hall," said Mattingly. "Savage, get some men to go out there and cut those damn trees down, we don’t have to make it convenient for the mobs." "Will someone behind that loss prevention glass cut those God—— tv cameras off, we need privacy at these commissioner meetings," said Jack Russell (no terrier).
Dementocrat’s Tax-Free Softball Foundation "Well I have learned a lot about politics in the past 8 years," said Kenny Dement as he prepared to change his registration from Republican to Dementocrat. "What do ya mean there, dee-bye-God," said Jackie Russell as he shucked arsters into a can. "Well I seen what you did with your boat," said Kenny. "You got your business declared ‘educational’, you formed a new tax free foundation, hired yourself and your wife as employees and went out looking for grant money and donations from businesses doing business with the county. If all these same people doing business with the county and you making all these good decisions for them were to put the money directly in your pocket, it would be called a bribe, even a dummy like me can figure this one out." "Now just hold on for a minute, Kenny, its all legit," hollered Russell. "I know it is, and you are making more money than ever, you charge the foundation to take care of your own boat, when you used to paint it for free except when you would hire one of the Poe boys for a case of beer to help you," said Kenny. "Now you make a profit off of maintenance and that dinner you have your bosses over at the Lundeberg School throw for you makes a ton of money." "Kenny, you sound jealous, all you have to do is keep your mouth shut, go to another chicken dinner and be happy, when Raley and I wink you just have to cast your vote when we have certain developers deals in front of us and everything will fall into place," said Jackie. "I guarantee it all!" "I am not going to settle for old greasy chicken, I want the filet migon," said Kenny. "I am going to form my own educational foundation for softball and I am going to raise money from those fat cats who do business with the county, I am going to sell them pricey tickets to my foundation events and we will teach kids how to play softball and it will all be tax free. I’m even going to have my house made the foundation dormitory for the top executive, me, and pay all the bills for the foundation right out of the money we raise. In the future when someone winks and needs a vote, I am going to be properly compensated." "When I need a new car, the foundation will buy me one and I will work on Saturdays teaching coaches how to teach softball to kids, we will meet with 30,000 kids a year on ball diamonds and believe me this is something I know how to do." "If you think you are such a hot shot with your skipjack foundation wait until you see how I merchandise mom, apple pie and softball," said Kenny. "Just watch us and weep. Take a kid to a ball game and he’ll just want to spend money on hot dogs, teach a kid to play ball and you can eat the hot dogs." "But I thought you were upset over how many people are yelling at you whereever you go over your vote to raise taxes by $14.5 million bucks," said Jackie. "Heck, I don’t care any more, they can have the black woman, I am into charitable physical education," said Kenny. "And I am my favorite charity." Kenny stuffed 6 hot dogs in his pocket and drove off to his launch of his softball foundation dinner at the Crystal Room.
Old pal Kenny Dement took a tumble in the CVS in Lexington Park last week and no one would answer repeated calls for help to call 911. Another customer came to his aid while the drugstore personnel did nothing and this week he was expected to undergo surgery to keep his ticker in high gear. Good luck to Kenny who is working on his next breakfast fundraiser in anticipation of running again for commissioner. But Republicans have some different ideas about Dement and are preparing for a candidate to knock him off in the GOP primary after Dement played ball with the Democrats and voted to raise taxes on real estate by more than $14 million right when homeowners have seen their property values plummet. Will Governor Martin O’Malley really come through on his promise to bring commuter rail to Southern Maryland? Who knows. He has had two years and he continues to say that his staff has been instructed to work up a plan, but at this point, where is the plan. This is similar to Richard Nixon saying he had a secret plan to end the Viet Nam War. That plan was so secret, even Nixon didn’t know what it was and the war didn’t end until after Nixon resigned. Lt. Gov. Anthony Brown announced that he and his wife have separated, so much for the family values on the part of the Democrats. The Republicans were always after O’Malley when he was mayor of Baltimore, claiming he was stepping out on his wife and the HBO movie "Wire" portrayed a character who was a spitting image of the ambitious O’Malley at having an affair with his press secretary. The politicians pose their families in their campaign material and then announce that they don’t want their families involved in the press attention of their public duties. Of course, they can’t have it both ways. Old President Jimmy Carter had a brother named Billy who came out with his own brand of beer, making it clear he wanted attention to help sell his brew. Will O’Malley dump Brown from his ticket after the divorce gets ugly? Will the GOP try to make hay off of whatever affairs have been circulating around the Lt. Governor’s activities? The State Police acted as a dating service for Governor Parris Glendening, as he sneaked around on his wife with all kinds of rendevous with his deputy chief of staff, then Glendening dumped his wife and married his staffer and then the Love Child showed up. What shenanigans are going on with this latest breakup. When Barbara Mandel was dumped by Governor Marvin Mandel for Jeanne Dorsey, whom he married, Barbara kicked the Governor out of the Governor’s Mansion and he had to go live in the Hilton Hotel down on the waterfront. Now that we have a new scandal brewing in the state capital we shall faithfully report all we can find out and make up the rest. The Sheriffs of St. Mary’s Meet "Okay, this here meetin’ of the former and present Sheriffs of St. Mary’s County will come to order," said Sheriff Wayne Pettit. "I have the honor of noting that Timmy will be here in just a few minutes and is bringing everyone new honorary Sheriffs badges and gun permits." "I don’t need any dad-blamed gun permit," said Sheriff Ben Burroughs, "I can handle any burglars real good myself, I don’t need any stupid state troopers or women deputies out here telling me what to do, I can shoot good too, I get plenty of practice with Jarboe’s excess cats at the market." "Well, I don’t need a gun permit either, I keep one gun in my right boot when I am driving my Harley," said Sheriff Dickie Do Voorhaar and I reckon no one will ever know I am packing a small derringer in my helmet, right next to my helmet cam. It works like this, I just wink and the camera comes on and shines out a red laser for me to aim at and then I push a button and can blow away any tough hombre that is in front of me on the highway, in case I pull into a biker bar and run into some old dude I locked up years ago." "Well I was the best sheriff, at least whenever my wife let me have the badge," said Sheriff Dave Zylak. "I found that best way to get along with the public and to get more work out of my deputies was to stay in my office and play that neat golf game on my computer while my wife ran things, she did have to keep Cusic in line, he kept insisting we needed a mounted unit added to the department so he could bring his horse to work with him, I never understood why he wanted to ride a horse instead of cruising around in a big Ford Expedition." "I was elected to three terms, that is more than any of you all and I could still be sheriff if I didn’t listen to those Democrats who talked me into running against Roy Dyson," said Sheriff Pettit. "Roy Dyson has left a trail of defeated politicians behind him for 34 years. Every one with a big ego and a fat wallet was left with an empty purse and their ass kicked, I ought to know, and old Hambone was just the latest to brag that he was going to Annapolis and he spent a half million bucks trying to do it, just look what he got. He would have been better off faking his resume instead of his college degree and gotten Ehrlich to give him a fancy state job, but no, he was going to whip Dyson." "Well I am the only true Republican here," said Sheriff Voorhaar and on the side I can work at being a minister, I want to be one of these TV preachers, did you all see how much money they make, people just call in their credit cards. So I can pack heat as a retired cop, blow away bikers, run a TV ministry and, heck, I can even run for office again if I want to, people loved me. Maybe I should run for county commissioner." "I am still able to drive fast in a marked vehicle with lights and sirens," said Sheriff Zylak, "I have lots of fun doing that 911 stuff but I just don’t understand why they named the 911 center after the attack on New York City by those Ragheads with the airplanes, does that mean that the Ragheads will attack our 911 center next? If they do, we are ready for those rug merchants, we can put on chemical suits and roll around in a big pool while we spray water over everyone, we can get naked in those tents and film all the women, who have to take off their clothes on my command, I just want to get that Mattingly kid out of my office, he knows too much and sends secret emails about what we are doing to The Rag." "Well, I can tell you right now that I was the best Sheriff," said Sheriff Voorhaar, "It wasn’t you Wayne, you wouldn’t let me run things by myself, you only have me part of the department to run, you kept around Captain Chicken and the Fat Fireman Cooper and those guys were just idiots and undermined everything I did." "Just hold on for a Mississippi Minute," said Sheriff Pettit. "I professionalized this department, which was just full of a bunch of clowns." "That isn’t true," said Sheriff Joe Lee Somerville. "We had our problems but we provided good services to the public, treated people right, went after drug dealers and kept the peace. What more could you ask for?" "A lot more," said Zylak. "I didn’t appreciate much your son running against me, that’s what made me lose." "You lost to me because you didn’t keep the faith with the public, you failed to go after the drug dealers and you never fired anyone over the Loot Scandal," said Sheriff Tim Cameron, who walked in the door. "It should be no mystery to you that the public expected to have a Sheriff who people respected." "Why does The Rag write all those glowing articles about you," said Sheriff Voorhaar to Sheriff Cameron. "It might have something to do with the fact that our officers do a good job, respect the law and serve the public," said Sheriff Cameron. "We answer the questions of the press and admit it when we are wrong." "Did you leave anything out," asked Sheriff Pettit. "Yeah, I forgot to mention that we don’t clean out the newsstands of all the papers the way you did, Voorhaar," said Sheriff Cameron. "My wife doesn’t call and make murder threats the way yours did, Voorhaar, my captain doesn’t steal from the agency the way you allowed without anyone getting arrested or fired, Zylak, and instead of playing golf, I work on ways to reduce crime and prevent the public from being victims to criminals." "But I had good banquets," said Sheriff Pettit. "The State Police told me that you all have to get permits from them to carry guns and that means all of you, except Zylak, have to pass eye exams. Zylak, you have to get a note from your wife," said Sheriff Cameron.
"This here meeting of the Democratic Party must come to order," said Central Committee Chairman Kathy O’Brien. "We have to get all of our favorite issues out on the table and make sure the voters understand where we stand." "Okay with me, Buckwheat," said Gypsy Joe Anderson, central committee member and former county commissioner. "I am a hip guy and I can adapt to any set of liberal circumstances. I wore this black stuff on my face to this meeting tonight to show that I can be a black candidate for commissioner instead of that chunky woman who ran last time. It takes a man to win, just look at Hillary, she was beaten by a guy as us guys are tried, true, tested and have extra body parts that the women don’t have." "I am really embarrassed that you would look the way you do tonight, Joe, you don’t have to be black to win an election," said Julie Randall. "You make all Democrats really seem kind of insane." "I’s got this stuff down right, I can rap, I can rip, I can wiggle and I even got my pickup truck lowered and had the black tint put on the windows," said Joe. "I am ready to run for commissioner again and I will be in the running to be picked by President Obama to be an ambassador to Cuba, as who has more experience hanging around with communists? I am the right person for the job of any color, I am even willing to get a sex change if I have to." "Okay, this meeting must come to order," said Kathy. "We have to show that we can raise taxes in the face of adversity, those stupid Republicans are all about lowering taxes and letting people control their own property. We know from experience not to trust those fools in the general public making decisions with their own money and their own land, they are all skulking around with bibles and guns and hell, they are just dangerous." "How about letting Kenny Dement come back to being a Democrat?" asked Kathy. "I say let him sit over there and rot as a Republican," said Anderson. "He came into the 2002 election and stole my cushy job away from me, he swamped me by lying to people and saying he would ‘listen’ to them. I ran on raising taxes and I was the one who was always making deals with developers, now he whips me, he raises taxes, he makes deals with the developers and he is the one doing favors for people and getting Fritz to drop charges and fix tickets and he is the one who gets those nice little party favors and under the table gratuities, this should all be MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME…MINE!" "Calm down, Joe, you can win again but you’ll have to wipe that black stuff off your face, as I don’t think the voters are ready for a cross-dressed, cross racial communist who wants to raise their taxes and strip away all private property along the shore lines of the St. Mary’s River," said Kathy. "But I could be wrong." "Let Kenny Dement stay as a Republican, Hambone is going to run again and they make a good team," said Anderson. "I don’t see how I have to sit on the sidelines while all the special deals go to someone else. Let Hambone print up some college degrees for Dement and give him a cap and gown and let him graduate. Hambone will run against Jackie Russell and Russell did the same thing. All the deals to developers that Hambone made, Russell kept. How do you like that for a lying sneaking liberal Democrat?" "Thank God for Danny Raley and Tommy Mattingly," said Julie. "We depended on them to raise taxes during these hard economic times and they did and since the public loves tax hikes, we will have a clean sweep at all levels in November. You can get ready right now to to visit President Obama and his new vice-president Hillary....now just one good shove down the steps of Air Force One and Hillary will be president. And since Bill will take over her U. S. Senate seat, he can be appointed by her to Vice President and then one more good shove and we can have Bill Clinton back as President."
The recent little political power play by the liberal Democrat crowd in Leonardtown was just a preview of what they have in store for the next county elections. The far-left crowd recently manipulated the creation of a new Human Services Department and during a time of fiscal crisis added a half dozen new county employees and consolidated a hold over the hiring processes of county government. Note that the Good Old Boy crowd is and has always been in lockstep with the liberals, they trade favors, waivers and jobs, most of the time to the detriment of the public. This next election is going to be tough for the Democrats locally as the independents tend to vote Republican on the local level and the Republicans vote Republican along with most of the conservative Democrats, who vote Republican. After the tax hikes of this year, $14.5 million in new property taxes due to the alliance between the O’Malley tax assessors and the Democrat majority on the Board, The Shadow will now predict that we have seen the end of Democrat county commissioners. The waste, fraud and abuse of the Democrats with their Bubba Government is outrageous. Democrats will continue to hold down courthouse jobs to the extent that they are already in office and will also continue to hold legislative posts. One legislator who is in the hot seat is Johnny Wood, who will likely have an active Democratic Primary opponent, perhaps as many as three and then the General Election will likely see a Republican taking him on. Johnny hasn’t bee raising the money he used to when he had clout in Annapolis, something he doesn’t have any more. But Taxing Tommy Mattingly and the Benevolent Dictator John K. Parlett will have a tough time running against Deadwood, finding that the Geezer of the Gulch just may have one more election left in his bones and an appetite to win. If the three are in the Democratic Primary, a bloody battle will ensue and Wood will come out on top. But will Wood win in November? Only The Shadow knows for sure. Republican Shane Mattingly may make another swing at this job, and like Francie Eagan, the third time might be the charm. Are Blacks Entitled to Have a Black President? By Kenneth C. Rossignol ST. MARY’S TODAY This year marks the third time there has been a serious contender for President of the United States that is a black American. The late Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm was the first, the next was black activist Jesse Jackson and this year the third is within closing distance on locking up the Democratic Party nomination for President. Because Sen. Barak Obama is a serious contender does that entitle blacks to have him as President and does it make those who vote against him racists? In the minds of many misguided and uneducated blacks the answer to this question is a resounding yes. Blacks in America have been used to a special set of rules that applies to them, against them and for them. These rules are mostly unfair and since unfair rules have been applied to blacks for decades and even centuries, somehow opportunist blacks who are indeed lazy and don’t want to earn their way in this world think that to even the score of massive injustice that all they have to do is be loud, obnoxious and persistent and the white world will hand them everything they want, just by throwing a tantrum. They think so because it usually works. But that day is about to end. The truth of the matter is that whites are barely a majority any more, since an influx of Latinos have snuck over the border, under the border or around the border and started having children at rates that exceed the number of black men who have headed into prison as they sought to take what it is that they don’t wish to work hard to earn, use drugs as a crutch or act as greedy street corner crack dealers. What the loudmouth blacks who would rather bloviate than work don’t realize is that there is a large contingent of whites who have learned from their black brothers and are duplicating their misadventures with about the same results, filling up subsidized housing projects, committing crimes and going to jail. While an impressive black middle class has emerged in this land led by hard-working God-fearing two-parent families who fill the temples and churches on Sundays in areas such as Prince George’s County, the bi-racial surge of low-achieving, chronic substance abusing lazaholics have spread out on the bottom layers of American society, unwilling to work, unwilling to achieve, unwilling to learn but mastering all of the finer elements of thug fashion, electronic wonderland and music. The Rooster Society of both white and black races have evolved as they were put on the dole by liberal Democrat philosophies that it is better for a man to get a welfare check than it is to work for a living. The women who act as breeders for these Roosters also learned that they can control the money by making sure the Rooster is out of the henhouse when the paymaster comes by to check on how many eggs have been hatched. The more little chicks, the more feed for the Rooster. Therefore, the money provided to the
U.S. Treasury feed store by those who do work for a living gets put in
the feed bins for the hens, the chicks and even the Roosters. When you’ve been working for 25 years at two jobs and taking night classes in order to get ahead, buy your own business and raise your family, it’s going to be a tough sell to the Asians and Latinos, that now they have to take over running the feed store so the black and white roosters and hens can live off of those who earn. Don’t even try to convince the hard-nosed black middle class they have to dig in their pockets to pay for the black and white breeders and roosters. Obama has been handed everything to him on a platter by a guilt-ridden white society, his campaign is propped up by limousine liberal whites who likely rarely practice the principles of fair play and equal opportunity and simply embrace the theory. Obama’s campaign has been aided by the foul play of the politically correct Clinton machine, who now is drowning in their self-serving legacy of cheap tricks and politically correct manipulations which marked their actions in the 1990’s. In short, they are getting what they deserve but don’t count them out. They are tough, smart and resourceful and until they open her sleeping place and drive a silver stake through her heart, it is likely she will win the nomination before it’s all over. But this is the first time that many blacks are paying attention to the election process and some think that this is “their turn” and if denied the presidency, they have been cheated one more time. What these very foolish people don’t realize is that every time they espouse this view they lose votes for Obama. It must be pretty frustrating for the Obama campaign to have to deal with the many sloppy word choices of the candidate, his wife, his pastor and his campaign operatives, nearly matching the twisted verbal choices of the Clintons. The truth of the matter is that most voters are willing to vote for a black American to be president. But the views, opinions and likely actions are the chief factors that voters will consider. Since Obama’s propensities are to raise taxes, play bridge with crazed dictators and ask his crazy pastor for advise on what to do about all the blacks who got AIDS from the government; his views are now becoming known to what had been an electorate very willing to hire him for the job. But the interview is now revealing more about him than can stand a good, hard look. While black voters appear ready to vote for this man even if he is revealed to have been with O. J. Simpson when the football player killed his wife and her white boyfriend, helped blow up the World Trade Center or is part of the Bin Laden glee club, other voters are not likely to drink the grape Kool-Aid. Does this make black voters wrong? No, this is America and they can use any reason they want in deciding who to vote for, silly or high-minded, any reason is valid. After all, we saw all the stupid Florida voters who thought later that they may not have voted for who they intended to vote for in 2000. That is why when 90 percent of black voters show that they believe that the color of a man’s skin is more important than what is inside him when hiring for a job shows that they are simply practicing what has been perpetrated upon them for a long time. Not right? No, but understandable. The only way Obama will become president is if he can convince the voters that even though he stands with fruitcakes, he doesn’t really like them or partakes of the not-too tasty dessert. As long as Obama continues to reveal himself to have the views of an elitist, a Marxist and a religious opportunist, he will leak votes on a daily basis, until the last votes are counted at either the Democratic convention or the general election and find that when all is said and done he gets to keep the day job as a member of the U. S. Senate. America will likely one day elect a black and a woman as President but it won’t be Obama or Clinton. It will most likely be Condi Rice and when the time nears, the radical blacks, the mouthy and “the entitled” will forget about their disdain for her brains and her conservative views and once again will embrace her skin color. But Rice will have earned the support of others for what she thinks, not because of her race.
ANNAPOLIS — When it came down to the last minute of this year’s session of the Maryland General Assembly it wasn’t the Fat Lady who sang but it was the Cash Cow, Del. Johnny Wood, who tried one last time to help out all of they mystery money of the unregulated and corruptible slot machine interests, but he failed. The House passed the Senate version of the dump out the illegal slots bill in the last 30 minutes of the session, according to Del. John L. Bohanan (D. Lexington Park). An amendment by Del. Johnny Wood (D. Mechanicsville) was offered at about 11 pm Monday to make legal all the machines which were in place Feb. 28th, would have made legal statewide. Like most of Delegate Wood’s bills, a veteran delegate from St. Mary’s County who was demoted from being a committee chairman by current Speaker Michael Busch, the Wood, anything goes slot machine amendment failed on a 74-49 vote. A last minute amendment on Monday to make slots legal at any commercial bingo establishment, which essentially would have done the same thing as Wood’s amendment, passed but was then defeated in the last minutes of the session. Wood and other sleazy advocates for the illegal slot machine operatives in the House then began a strategy of talking to death every bill as it came up, effectively avoiding a filibuster but still slowing everything down to a snails pace. The real deal now appears to be that ADF Bingo won’t have slot machines, that the corner casinos are out of business and will now have to go back to running businesses which serve their customers well without having a slot machine parlor. Charitable groups will be able to have the devices as long as all proceeds go to the charity and not to others. Millions were made by slots mafia While local yokels involved with various charities such as the Leonardtown Volunteer Fire Department, Little Flower School and the Mechanicsville Lions Club, groups which were suddenly laden with big bucks, enough to turn them into prostitutes for an illegal group of casino owners, all of which have vanished as fast as they appeared; the big money was unaccounted for and wound up being split up by characters as diverse as out of state slot machine kings, local saloon keepers and a guy who runs a business which makes claims that it saved three local schools from closing but the reality is, he and the bars which had them machines in place, were the ones making all the money. The single most disappointing revelations about this sleazy drama was seeing really fine folks in this county empty their heads of all brains, put aside their scruples and ignore the reality that these slot machine kings were ripping everyone off, giving a minor tip to the charities and keeping millions for themselves. The gambling addicted were leaving behind their paychecks, the cheapskate parents who didn’t want to pay realistic tuition at Little Flower and the lazy firemen who, unlike the generations who have gone before them, won’t put out the work at the Leonardtown Carnival, were happy to take blood money to buy new fire trucks. What the hell is going on to have these fine people prostitute themselves to crooks and Mafioso’s, the way they did? Shame on Leonardtown’s fire department and rescue squad to hoodwink the people of Virginia into playing the machines at Coles Point Tavern. Shame on the Mechanicsville Lions who got $3600 while the slots kings split more than twenty thousand from the "Lions machines". There have been at least four generations of heroes who have jumped from the beds and left their jobs to rush to the aid of others at Leonardtown VFD and the rescue squad over the years. What turned them into such whores now? They get a fire tax, they have the genuine respect and admiration of the community but they signed up on the side of crooks? The people of this county have supported their carnival over the years and many people who were too old or infirm to be firefighters worked at the carnival. True, the bloodsucker developers put in a huge injection of slum housing which provided a fresh round of hooliganism at the carnival, but the cops are paid to keep order and the fire department should have demanded they do their job. All of the fraternal and civic groups are going downhill due to the selfish slobs of the younger generation who won’t volunteer and work the way their parents and grandparents did. Too bad, but having unregulated slots which produces money for paying off politicians isn’t the way to go. Who the hell are the creeps from the Alternatives for Youth who showed up in Annapolis to say that poor little kids won’t get mental health services if this crooked business didn’t continue. It is quite likely that the overpaid staff of these blood-sucking and bloated "non-profits" saw a way to make more money. Who the hell was giving all of this counseling before the slot machines arrived last fall? Just more crap from the touchy-feely do-gooders who pad their own pockets at the expense of everyone else. This wasn’t St. Mary’s County’s finest hour. It is one thing to have legalized slot machines run by the State of Maryland, keeping all of the profits after payouts to players and putting the money into the General Fund or for education, where the usual subjects will steal the money by rigged bids and over-priced contracts, but to let this blatant corruption take place with real live church people waddling sideways as they attempted to keep their hand in the same till with crooks is beyond belief.
A Bionic Heart for Johnny Wood? The end is near for this year’s session of the General Assembly and for yet one more year, Del. Johnny Wood is still fuming over being sacked as a committee chairman, where he used to do a lot of good for the county. But Johnny is still active enough to maintain his political support and two of the plotters for his job are Taxing Tommy Mattingly and the guy who wants to be the Benevolent Dictator for the county, John K. Parlett. With possible replacements like these guys, the voters ought to chip in for a bionic heart for Johnny Wood, with him not being a real tiger its better than having one of these guys as delegate. Others loom on the horizon, as many friends of Helen Dorsey urge her to run, as she has plenty of appeal and no baggage like the other three. Its only two years away and Wood is drying out, Mattingly is cooking his goose by doing his part to make sure taxes go up even more and Parletts attempt to once more put that lame charter government on the county, with himself taking the Throne of Government, makes it a wide open race.The Republicans are sure signing up plenty of voters but they lack leadership. But Tom Haynie, the GOP chairman needs help. Republicans new to the county will find that there is a group of liberal Republicans like old Babs Thompson, who are really liberal Democrats. There are some Republicans who are so far to the right that the world they live is indeed flat. The Democrats are sinking fast and due to some of them being simply effluent, find that their natural composition makes it impossible for them to sink, instead they float. Just 30 years ago, the Democrats outnumbered the Republicans by 4 to 1. Then Steny Hoyer did such a good job of moving military missions to area bases and the civilian and contractor work force turned out be mainly Republicans, as well as the folks fleeing the DC area, all change to the GOP. Now we have about 20,000 of each party and about 8,000 independents. The independents could be Democrats but know better and still don’t sign up as Republicans. But they tend to vote Republican. The best thing going for the local GOP is St. Mary’s Sheriff Tim Cameron and Commissioner Larry Jarboe. These two bright officials do a good job and are responsive to the people. They both have a good future with the voters. The courthouse officials are also well established due to their performance. Register of Wills Diane McWilliams has filled in well and is now in her second term. Joannie Williams was well versed in the Clerk of the Court job serving under Evelyn Arnold and has a firm grip on her post. The Orphans Court Judges are solid with long-standing Judge Russ Cullins being put out to pasture last time, and not likely to try another time. The states attorney would have been ditched in the last election but he was smart enough to figure out that the only pool of replacements came from the local bar, so he spent all his time intimidating them into not running. It worked, but next time will be different. John Mattingly is about as bright as they come, he is Fayreen’s grandson and would return the post to a level which was held by Walter B. Dorsey. Fritz has all his family income, his retirement and could return to representing drug dealers. If John A. Mattingly files, watch for Fritz to announce he will step down. He can’t take losing another election after the shellacking he took from the woman he bragged he would easily beat. Even Fritz’s own Republicans voted against him. Fritz, a clever attorney and yet polarizing figure, is one of the most difficult officials to understand. Blind ambition must be the only way to understand how such a promising lawyer became the chief shepherd to a rag tag army of good old boys stuck in a time warp of the seventies. Fritz must lead the way to shield them from being accountable for their speeding tickets, boozing, drugging and other petty crimes or he isn’t happy. An examination of the use of the prosecutorial discretion would yield a field day of high drama and backroom fixes. Fritz inherited a pretty good staff from Dorsey and was smart enough to keep people around to do the work for him, but they must have a hard time keeping a straight face with some of the people he likely orders to them to cut loose and to drop charges. In any event, Fritz’s day has come and gone and its doubtful anyone really wants to see him charging out with his buddy Lyle Long, who he gave a job to after Long’s retirement as a cop, gave Long a big raise and even pays for his laundry bill for cleaning his expensive trenchcoat, if history is relevant. The boys can have fun for a while, maybe Fritz can clean his shotgun and the two can relive the annals of yesteryear, they could ride out to a local crackhouse and roust Knoxie, count the cash in his pockets and send him off to the big house once more, of course, with the media there to take pictures as the pair works the public one more time with the War on Drugs. There is no way we should legalize drugs, but can’t we manage to win a war once in awhile? The drug-free zone signs near our schools were a joke the day they went up. Only in the past year does it appear that meaningful drug investigations are yielding real results. But then again, maybe its because Fritz and Long aren’t along for the ride. Well, we shall find out what Wendell got in the next week, but its clear that no one who took the Loot from the Sheriff’s secure storage went to jail. No cop was charged, no one paid a fine, only the dumb black guys are going to jail, on drug charges, which the deserve. But what about the cops who stole a tractor-trailer load of loot? At least Voorhaar slinked away in disgrace while Capt. Crook stewed in a cash-lined pot while Sheriff Dave Zylak pondered what a real sheriff would do….and then did nothing. Where’s the Loot? It was found but a taint will be on the local cops for a long time to come. Fritz was part of the cover up and failed to bring charges, his election campaign treasurer was the wife of the guy who took the loot. Gee, what do you call that?
(12/09/07) "Now, Larry, my wife had some real good advise on how to deal with those pesky citizens like Clare who always pop off about county policies," said Jack No Terrier Russell. "She had those nosey busy-bodies wanting to know things about the finances of my boat-lab and what we were doing with the money. Can you imagine someone wanting to know what we were doing with the money, for God’s sake! Its a boat, spelled B-O-A-T, that's Break Out Another Thousand, a Boat, a hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one throws money. Hells bells, just going down the road in my stinky car bellowing out grease balls out the back end makes me smell like a sub shop when I get to a meeting. There is no smell like French fries. When I stop to pick up a case of beer for the boys at the dock, they all smell me coming before I come around the bend." "So what was the big advise from Vicki," asked Larry. "I have to get back to the mill, I have a hydrogen bomb cooking and if I don’t hurry up and get back there might be a mushroom cloud rising over Charlotte Hall." "Really, a bomb, what does one cost, I have a couple of things I’d like to blow up," said Dandy Dan Raley. "That was a joke, Dan. Its not really a bomb, but it is hydrogen and I am working to put it in my car to save on gas, I’ll get 100 mph to the gallon after I get through cooking up my engine in my truck," said Commissioner Moonbeam. "We could use a hydrogen bomb for that blasted boathouse," said Kenny. "We could sell tickets and have a fundraiser for my next campaign. How long does the mushroom cloud hang around?" "We can’t joke about things like that, this room might be bugged and the Rag will put it all in the paper and that screaming ninny Maggie will be calling the ATF, the FBI, the SEC, the FCC and the Women's Temperance Union to come to the Walled City of Leonardtown and find us, cut off our heads and put them on pikes and parade around Leonard Hall," said Taxing Tommy Mattingly. "Yeah, no joking about anything, no remarks about burning anything down, having anyone whacked or other inappropriate behavior, except some pinpoint flatulating at public events," said Jackie. "That is one advantage of my car, people are so used to the way I smell I don’t have to blame anything on the dog, I can blame it on the car." "Can we have a commissioner’s fact finding trip to Alba, Italy and to Gambia to see the new St. Mary’s College campus that they built in those countries," asked Tommy. "I can go, I like to travel, I am good at it, I collect all the receipts for reimbursement and I find ways to really pad the bills, it makes for a little extra change to be able to afford this public life." "Careful, Tommy, I swear this place is bugged," mumbled an unidentified commissioner. "In the old days you could make an extra $50,000 a year just taking envelopes with cash in it in return for good decisions. Now there are too many people watching and asking questions, ethics disclosures and paper trails....they take all the fun out being in office." "I can’t stay in here if you all are going to talk like that," said Commissioner Moonbeam. "I know this place is bugged, hell’s bells, almost everyone of our secret meetings ends up in Cheap Shots and I can tell you who blabs, its’ Danny, its Kenny, its me, even Tommy talks, the only one who doesn’t is Jackie and that's because his wife won’t let him, she does all the talking." "Well, is it true that there are big wine cellars, a 5 star hotel and special massage rooms at that Eye-Talion campus of the college?" asked Danny. "I could use a little trip to Italy, on business of course, and leave Ann home." "How about Gambia, are they using waterboarding for political enemies like I read about in the Washington Post," asked Kenny. "Its a lot like that country over there in GitmoCuba, what a shame they are doing that to those poor Ragheads. Maybe we should go there and rescue them before they put them down the well again, hell that's what we did when we were kids, we just used to lower the girls down the bucket and then tied off the rope and left them there for a few hours until they got friendly again." "Was that waterboarding, Kenny?" asked Moonbeam. "Sure, what's wrong with it, it changed their behavior quick." "Well, Kenny, we can’t go rescue those Ragheads at Gitmo, as we are the ones who are doing it," said Tommy. "Well, it that case, stuff some more Ragheads down a well, its high time that stopped acting so damn weird," said Kenny. "Wouldn’t that be called waterbucketing," asked Dandy Dan. "Now you know why we shouldn't have these secret meetings," said Jackie. "We just get in even more trouble, my wife is going to go ballistic when she reads the Rag."
|
||||||||
|
|
|
